_Question:_ What is the most difficult part of the marathon?

Sri Chinmoy: It depends on the individual. Most runners feel that after twenty miles it is all pain and heartache. But, in my case, the first three miles are the most difficult. During the first three miles the human in me always wants to give up. It gives such adequate reasons. “What is the use of running after realising God?” it says. “My realisation is more than enough. Why do I have to do this silly thing? Millions and billions of people would die to get God-realisation, and here I have to kill myself to run twenty-six miles.” Another thing the human in me says is, “I have not slept enough for many days. I will not do well because I have not taken enough rest. What is the use of doing something if I do not do it well?” Then, after one mile, the human in me feels, “Oh God, I have to go twenty-five more miles. One mile is killing me, and I have so many more to go.” Then, what is worse, my divine students — of course, with good intention — will tell me the wrong times and the wrong distance. On their own they will give me a timing which is totally wrong, and the distance is also wrong. After covering the first few miles, instead of getting encouragement I get only discouragement. The arithmetic world comes forward not the running world — and I think of how many more miles I have to go. It is not actually challenging; it is threatening, disheartening and frightening. So the first three miles compel me to think of quitting a good many times.

But after I have covered about ten miles I get tremendous joy, as if the goal were right in front of me. Physically I may be tired, but inwardly I feel a great sense of accomplishment. After twenty miles I am physically tired, but mentally and psychically I am getting tremendous joy. I feel that the goal that I have been longing for, I have almost reached. After twenty miles I never feel disheartened, even if I am dead. It is great joy that I experience. But during the first three miles I have absolutely the worst experience. The first two or three miles are really disheartening for me.

Usually, they say, morning shows the day. This is so true. If you get a good start, especially in a short-distance run, you have a tremendous advantage. If you get a good start in the 100-metre or 200-metre dash, you are 75 percent on the way to victory. But when it is twenty-six miles that you have to run, a good start does not help. But if you have a fresh mind and a concentrated will, these things will help.

In my case the sad and deplorable experiences that I am telling about come on the gross physical, the vital and the mental planes. On the psychic plane there is tremendous, tremendous determination. After all, I am running for my progress, and competing sincerely with my own previous capacities. So my determination easily conquers all the negative forces that assail me. These negative experiences are all conquered by the inner adamantine will.

From:Sri Chinmoy,AUM — Vol.II-6, No. 7, July 1980, Vishma Press, 1980
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