‘Freedom’ is a word and ‘surrender’ is another word. Freedom is one thing and surrender is something totally different, you may say. But if you dive deep within, you will see that from the spiritual point of view there is no difference between freedom and surrender. At every moment it is the victory of freedom that we enjoy. You enjoy it, I enjoy it, he enjoys it, she enjoys it, the victory of freedom we all enjoy,
Before you accepted the spiritual life, you were your own boss. At that time you enjoyed full freedom in your own life — in the way that your mind inspired you or helped you or instigated you to see the light. Perhaps that way was all darkness, but you were your own boss. The day that you entered into my boat, you made a choice to use your freedom in another way. Not only your heart and soul but also your physical mind made this choice. Outwardly you may say that when you entered into my boat you gave up your freedom and surrendered to the Will of the Supreme in me. But if you are sincere, inwardly you will know that you did not give up your freedom at all. Only you decided to exercise your freedom in a different way. In a silly, ordinary human sense you may feel that this is surrender. But in a deeper sense you will see that still you are enjoying your freedom. Only now you are using your freedom to listen to your Master.
Before you joined our path, you had one kind of freedom. Then you changed your mind. You said, “Now I am fed up with that game and I want to enjoy a different kind of freedom. Before, I used my freedom to please myself and fulfil myself in one particular way. Now I want to use my freedom to please God and fulfil God in God’s own Way. God’s Way I don’t know, but my Master knows God’s Way and he will tell it to me.” So with your entire being you said, “Selflessly, devotedly and unconditionally I will listen to my Master.” In the first case, you exercised your freedom in your own human way. In the second case, you exercised the same freedom. But there you said, “No, I do not want to exercise my freedom in my own human way. I do not want to be for myself; I want to be for him. If he runs, I will run. If he sings, I will sing. If he dances, I will dance. I will do whatever he does or whatever he asks me to do. It is not because he is superior and I am inferior. It is not that if I don’t listen to him, he will throw me out of the Centre. No. It is because I have a burning desire to exercise and fulfil my freedom in this way. I will listen to him because my entire being cries out to listen to him.”
You have to listen to your Master not because you have entered into his boat and, if you don’t listen to him, then he will throw you out. No, no. Do not feel this way. It is not because he knows a little more than you, or because he has realised God and he will give you something if you listen to him. Forget about that, and do not expect anything. You are not a beggar that you have to listen to anyone in order to get something. Only feel that it is your own determination, your own choice, to try to please your Master in his own way. It is your own freedom that you are experiencing. Your spiritual life is an experience of your freedom.
All those who are still here with me in this boat, please feel that it is your own freedom you are utilising. It is not my freedom but your freedom. If you go deep within, you will feel the truth of what I am saying. You are here because of an inner choice that you made to lead a spiritual life. If that is not what you want, then you are perfectly free to leave. I did not go to your house and force you to become my disciple, and I am not forcing you to stay. At any time you are free to leave the Centre. Who can prevent you? It was your own free choice that brought you into our boat, which we call the Boat of the Supreme. And by your own free choice you are staying here and trying to please the Supreme in me. You want to please me, and that is why you are able to please me. Anything that I ask you to do, you can do, because that is your determination and God has given you the adamantine will to do it. Easily you can say, “I will have nothing to do with him. I will go in my own way. I will go towards the north, and I don’t care what anyone else does. I won’t see the south; I won’t see the east or west.” Again, you can say, “No, I will chase my Master, I will run after him. If he goes south, I will go south. If he goes north, then I will go north. I will follow him whatever direction he takes.” That choice you can also make. But if that is what you decide, do not then say, “Oh, I am surrendering to him.” No, who asked you to follow him? It was your own choice.
So do not speak of surrender any more. There is no such thing as surrender; it does not exist. There is only freedom — the freedom of your own will, the freedom of your own inner choice. Just dive deep within and you will see that it is the fulfilment of your own freedom that you are experiencing here. Once upon a time you were brave and you fulfilled your life in one way. Now another heroic thought or idea has entered into you and you want to do something else. You say, “It is my will all the time to do whatever he asks me to do. No matter what he asks me to do, like a hero I will do it. I will do it not because I have surrendered to his will, but because it is my wish, my desire.” As you wanted to fulfil your earthly desires before you entered into the spiritual life, now you have another desire that you wish to fulfil. You can call it divine or you can call it undivine. You can say anything. But let us take it as a desire. This aspiration itself let us take as a desire, but only in the highest spiritual sense. In the ordinary sense, desire is fulfilment of night, whereas aspiration is fulfilment of light. But this kind of spiritual desire is all fulfilment. And you have to feel all the time that it is your own will that you are fulfilling.
If you say that you are surrendering to your Master’s will unconditionally, then immediately your mind will say, “Why should I have to do that? What does he know?” But it is not a question of what your Master knows or does not know. That is not your business. Your business is only to fulfil your own desire, your own will. And it is your desire, your wish, to do what your Master asks you to do.
So, dear ones, it is so clear. I have made it so clear. Don’t think of surrender. You don’t have to surrender. Only be brave. Be sincere to yourself. “This is the choice I have made. I am going to do it.” In the ordinary life they say “by hook or by crook.” Here we say, “With my heart’s love, with my soul’s will, I will follow this path. Nobody has compelled me, nobody is touching my feet, nobody is breaking my head. No, it is my own inner urge that I do it. It is my wish, my will, that I do it. As I did things in my own way before I entered the spiritual life, here also I am doing something in my own way.”
Your mind will say that like a dog you are following me, but your heart will say, “I am just going because I want to be with him. I want to be one with my Master’s will.” Remain all the time in the heart; then you will feel that you are one with me.
So always feel that it is your own will that you are fulfilling. It is not the surrender of a slave to a master; it is not the surrender of a subordinate to a superior. It is only your own will to follow someone. And who is that person you have chosen to follow? It is not somebody else but your own higher reality. It is you who have made the choice to run after that person who is your own true reality. You can call him your Master, you can call him the Supreme, you can call him anything. But whatever you call him, it is you who have chosen to follow him. The choice is coming not from outside but from within you. It is your own inner determination that you are fulfilling. It is your own inner determination to follow the spiritual life. It is your own will. Nobody can tell you to do this — no mother, no father, no Master, no God, nobody. It is you yourself who are exercising your own freedom, your own will.
So from now on, dear ones, feel that you are pleasing yourself, not me. If you can please yourself in this divine way, with your own soul’s determination, then feel that you are also pleasing me. As long as you can maintain your own adamantine will, your soul’s will, then you can forget about love, devotion, surrender and all those things. Only exercise your freedom in this divine way, and you will have no problem.
— May 1979From:Sri Chinmoy,The disciples' freedom, Agni Press, 1980
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