Meditation with the Master — Meditating in front of the Master

Some disciples say, "Every day I am perfect before I see you, but when I see you, all the evil thoughts of the whole world come to me. When I don't see you, when I don't think of you, I am perfect. But when I think of you everything comes forward. Why is it? Why do they come?"

You have to work on these evil thoughts. Now you have enemies and your enemies are telling you that they exist. You have to fight them. But if you are asleep, you may feel that you do not have these enemies. But if they do come, don't feel responsible for them. Just throw them into me immediately. You have to totally separate your existence from them, and feel that they are not yours. Either you have to say, "Consciously I am not cherishing them, they are not mine," or you can say, "They are mine; I am giving them to you to take." But instead, fear and a feeling of unworthiness come to you people. If you are afraid and scared to death of what I am giving you, then at that time you are not receiving at all. When you people come to meditate in the meditation hall and I am looking, gazing at you, and showing my utmost compassion, you may feel afraid. It may not even be that I am placing my hand on your head and blessing you, but still you are afraid.

Sometimes when I am blessing a person, my back, my human back feels like it has been cut deeply at two or three places. Today this happened at least fifteen or sixteen times at meditation. It happens almost everywhere. It happened when I was looking at an individual before I went up to the podium. At the public meditations sometime people come and sit in the front row. Some of the people are familiar, and naturally I know the disciples. I know what kind of force I can give and what force they can accept. But when I look at the new people who come, who are not my disciples, I see that they are trying to judge me to see whether I am sincere or not. I come with my utmost compassion and try to give them a little Light. But they think, "Is he a fake or something?" Why do they take the trouble to come to the meditation with the idea of judging me? I don't know. They come and I look at them and, oh God, what kind of forces these people have in them. Some of them are very bad. It also happens at all the Centres. You do all sorts of things with utmost sincere aspiration, but what kinds of things they are throwing!

From:Sri Chinmoy,The Master's inner life, Agni Press, 1977
Sourced from https://srichinmoylibrary.com/mil