from his Chinmoy-flame
Eternally grateful,
Chinmoy"Yes, you did," I said. "You gave me some yesterday."
He said: "Yesterday? Come in. Come inside my room." And then he gave me more sweets to eat."Chinmoy, don't think that people are not jealous of Nolini. There are many people in the Ashram who are extremely jealous of him. I pity them. God alone knows when they will realise, let alone reach, his height. But to be sure, you and I are not jealous of Nolini. To me Nolini is not only my elder brother and adviser, but also my eternal friend.
"Chinmoy, how old are you?"
"I am thirty."
"You are not even half my age!"I said to him: "I enjoyed it a great deal."
Nolini-da said: "I am sure everybody learned much from it.""This morning I misplaced the file containing my new articles to be added for the new edition of Banglar Pran (the heart of Bengal). Can you look for it?"
Immediately I stood up and rushed into his room. For about half an hour I searched. Finally I found it and gave it to him. With a smile he said to me: "Chinmoy, in this world some people are meant to misplace things and some people are meant to find them."He said: "It was always in English."
"And in what language did you speak to Sri Aurobindo?"
"I spoke almost always in English, only at times in Bengali."
"And what about the Mother? What language did you use to speak to Her?"
He said: "Ah, that you know: English, French and what-not."I searched for fifteen minutes and found the article, which was entitled E Juge Narir Adarsha.
"Now, your second task, Chinmoy, is to try to find the third part of Matri Bani. As far as I remember, I wrote it in a grey notebook."
I searched for the notebook in various places, ransacking all the drawer files and bookshelves. But Matri Bani was not to be found.
"Where could it have gone? Where could it have gone?" he exclaimed.
I said to him: "Nolini-da, perhaps you have given it to someone."
He concentrated for two minutes and then said: "No, definitely not! I have not given it to anyone. Look for it. You will find it."
He was right. In five minutes, to his great joy, I did find it."Your Bengali will always be matchless," I said. "When you read out your articles in Bengali, I get tremendous joy, and when you read out your English articles, I also get tremendous joy. But when you read out others' translations of your Bengali articles, unfortunately I do not get the same joy. I feel something is missing, though I don't know what it is."
He said: "You do know what is missing from my writings which have been translated by others. It is my original depth. Anyway, what can I do? This time I shall listen to Sisir's request. Next time I shall definitely read in Bengali.
"Today is Republic Day. More than half a century ago we tried to bring about independence in our own way. I shall read out to the Ashramites about our revolutionary activities."
After reading out his article he said: "Now I am going to read out Amrita's story of how he met — rather, did not meet — Sri Aurobindo for the first time."
At the end of his reading, Nolini-da's comment: "Indeed, it is an excellent experience, but Amrita stops very abruptly. It is just like eating half a rasgulla. I hope later on we will be supplied with a full one."
On the way back to Nolini-da's room, Yogananda-da and I were following him. I was carrying his thermos. He said to me: "I am glad that you brought the thermos today, and I am also glad that Yogananda gave me water to drink the moment I needed it so badly.""Chinmoy, I don't write anything false. She deserves my sincere appreciation."
"Will you please tell me how old you were when you passed your matriculation?"
"Ah, I was only fourteen. My father thought I was too young for the matriculation examination. He wanted me to wait a year or two so that I could pass the examination without any difficulty, but my uncle did not agree with him. My uncle was very wise. He told my father that I would definitely do well in the examination. So I did take the examination. Unlike my uncle, my father did not know how ripe and clever I had already become."
Then he burst into laughter."Tell me, what else do I have to write? Have I not completed my life-story?"
"I don't think so. You have not told us about your sports life in your younger days. I have heard so many stories about you as a great football player."
"I see, I see. But you know that in those days there was neither Mohan Bagan nor East Bengal to inspire us. Anyway, I shall try to write about my football and sports capacity.""Arpita-di told me that the doctors have given Nirmala-di a blood transfusion and that she is looking fine. Arpita-di asked me to tell you something else."
"What is it?"
"She says that Nirmala-di is sad that the Mother has to spend fifteen rupees a day to keep her in the hospital."
"Chinmoy, you tell your sister to inform Nirmala-di that she does not have to think of such things. Instead of thinking of the Mother's financial problems, she must think only of her own health problems."
At that point Amrita-da happened to pass by and he overheard the phrase 'health problems'. He said to Nolini-da: "I overheard your conversation. You were telling Chinmoy about Nirmala's health problems. What are you going to do about my ignorance problem?" Then, without saying another word, he just walked away.
Nolini-da burst into laughter and said: "Amrita, our eternal Amrita." Then he said: "Come with me. I have something for you to give to Nirmala." I followed him into his room, where he gave me some of the Mother's prasad for Nirmala-di."Excellent," I said.
Nolini-da said: "I thought you young people wouldn't like old stories about an old man." Then he changed the subject. "I believe Nirmala's operation took place this morning at eight o'clock. Now it is nine-thirty. Do you feel like going to the hospital? Try to bring me an accurate account of her condition."
I went to the hospital and came back with the message that the operation had been quite successful.
Amrita-da happened to be with Nolini-da. Amrita-da said: "That is what the doctors always say. Did you see her? What is your opinion?"
"I saw her sleeping."
Nolini-da said: "I feel now that the operation was quite successful."Nolini-da said: "No, not at all. I wrote all that to my most intimate friend Shachin."
"I thought they were like Suresh Chakrabarti's Hasanter Patra."
"No, mine are serious. It seems to me that you want to translate them into English."
I gave him a smile and said: "Who can hide anything from you?"I said to him: "Amrita-da, she talks too much."
"Ah, for that I do not have to go very far. How easily I could say the same about your Amrita-da.""I have no idea," Ranju-da replied, "Even in the latest issue they did not publish your piece. I am thinking of not sending any more of your writings to Desh."
"I agree with you. Don't send any more."
Ranju-da said: "There are many magazines which are eager to publish your writings. I shall be sending that article to Amrita."
"That's a nice idea," Nolini-da said."Nowadays I only play volleyball and practise running just to keep my body fit, since I shall not compete anymore in athletics."
"You have done more than your share of competition. Nobody expects you to compete anymore. Only try to keep your body fit. This is essential.""That cannot be her real name. What is her real name?" he said.
"I don't remember what her real name is."
"You studied with her and you do not know her real name?"
Quite embarrassed, I went out looking for Minu. I found her near Sri Aurobindo's Samadhi. I asked her what her real name was and she said it was Amiya.
When I told Nolini-da, he said with a smile: "There is no dearth of Amiya (nectar) at the Ashram, but God alone knows when He will bless us with divine nectar."
In the afternoon, while I was typing in the flower-room, Nolini-da came up to me and said: "Did Rajan tell you that I had enjoyed your article "Ramakrishna, Soul of the East" in the Amrita Bazar?"
"Yes, he did."
"It seems that you worked hard on that article. It is always good to work hard when you write something, especially before you send it for publication."While I was putting the typewriter in its proper place and covering it, I overheard part of their conversation. One of the ladies asked Nolini-da: "Sir, please tell me the difference between the Divine Mother and an ordinary human being."
Nolini-da said: "The difference is very simple. We ordinary human beings talk and the Divine Mother acts. We talk and talk. We are empty vessels sounding continuously, while the Mother Divine plays Her role, Her supreme role, in Eternity's Silence.""Ah, you didn't know that my left leg and right leg were perfect rivals. I was always extremely good with both legs. My corner kick was marvellous. It appeared like a rainbow and always dropped the ball near the goal post The ball used to go very high and it created a kind of delightful sensation. Again, when it was necessary, I used to use my left foot for what you call a grass-cutting shot. Sometimes I feel like writing more about my sports life."
I said: "How I wish you would do that! We would all be deeply moved and grateful."The audience burst into laughter because it was always just the opposite.
After reading out his article, Nolini-da said: "We love our country dearly and our country has also loved us dearly and it always will. India's independence is nothing short of our soul's triumphant smile."
After he had read out Amrita-da's writing, he said: "Like last time, this time also Amrita's ending is abrupt. Amrita's writing is excellent but his conclusions are abrupt. It seems to me that this is Amrita's special speciality."
Amrita-da said: "Who else can or will bless me with a special speciality if not you, Nolini?"He said: "I see. That means all of you enjoyed my sense of humour."
"Indeed, very much."Rose-di said: "Amrita-da, what you say is perfectly true. But unfortunately we have all lost our kingdoms, so we are crownless kings and queens."
At this point Sahana-di entered the room. Amrita-da said: "Don't worry, Sahana can easily solve that problem for you. She can afford not only to buy you crowns but also to crown you."
Sahana-di said: "What? What? What kind of arrow, Amrita, are you hurling at me?"
"We are not aiming arrows at you. We are just admiring your supernatural capacities and qualities," he replied.Nolini-da said: "It always happens like that. People are so ungrateful. He and Basu have become well known in the literary world by virtue of Rabindranath's grace. Now look how ungrateful they are! They speak ill of Rabindranath." Then he turned towards me and said: "Chinmoy, I once got a few reprints of my article "Rabindranath, O Uttar Pakkha." Do you know where the article was published?"
"Yes, it was published in Rabindra Bharati and the editor of the magazine is A. K. Ghose."
"Ah," he said, "now it is your turn to retrace them."
It took me about fifteen minutes to find the reprints. He was very happy that I had found them. He said to me: "Why do I waste my time searching for things? Why do I not wait for you? Why do I make the same mistake again and again?"Ranju-da said: "Then shall we congratulate him by wire?"
"Yes. The Mother has asked me to wire him Her blessings. Do you know where his office is?"
"Yes. Aurora Film, and I know the full address."
Nolini-da said: "That's fine."
A few minutes later Robi-da (his youngest son) entered into the room and began talking with me while I was working with the files. Then Nolini-da came in and said: "Have you heard the good news?"
Robi-da said: "No, we haven't. What is it?"
"Ajit's Nivedita film has won the President's prize and also a gold medal. We all know that twenty thousand rupees is nothing for him. But the most important thing is that he started this film with the Mother's blessings and took my advice several times while making it."Nolini-da said: "Fine. The Mother is fine.
Nirod-da came in and asked: "Nolini-da, how is the Mother?"
Nolini-da said: "You, a doctor, are asking me this question?"
"True, I am a doctor, but you know perfectly well what kind of doctor I am. I wish to hear about her heart attack from your own inner vision."
"Only this much I can tell you: a tremendous fight is going on."I gave him a smile and said: "No problem at all." It took me twenty minutes to find the article, which had been put in the wrong file. He was extremely happy that I had found it and he said to me: "I wanted to read it last night at the playground, but I shall read it next week. Now I shall tell you which are the important files and which are the unimportant files. As you see, there are about two hundred files. You have to take full care of them. Try to know them by heart."
I said: "I shall."
At this moment Champaklal-ji came in and said: "Nolini-da, Nolini-da, the Mother wants to dictate something." Nolini-da immediately grabbed a pencil and ran. Forty-five minutes later he came in with Amrita-da. Noticing that his face was very serious and grave, I immediately ran out of the room.
That afternoon, when I returned to the room, Ranju-da was working at his desk. As soon as I entered, Nolini-da said: "Let me tell both of you that the Mother's crisis is over." Ranju-da and I were overjoyed.
I said to Nolini-da: "I have heard that you had a very significant dream recently. Is it true?"
He said: "Yes, it is true. But I want to live in the world of reality and not in the world of dreams. For some time I wish to work on three or four things together. This red file I shall use. I shall work on my Smritir Pata, on the translation of Savitri and on the translation of the Rig-Veda. See that I don't misplace them.""Yes, you have done it."
"Where is it? Why don't I find it in the file?"
"It has already been printed. That is why it is not in the file."
"Printed? Then show it to me."
I showed him the Bengali magazine.Just then Rajen-da passed by and Nolini-da said to him: "Rajen, have you heard that two American ladies want to take my picture all the way to America? All right, if I cannot give them a good picture of mine I shall give them a copy of my Bengali book Kabir Manishi. They will find a very good picture of me in that book."
"They would like to visit Sri Aurobindo's room."
Nolini-da said: "That is Champaklal's job, so ask him. But I don't think it will be possible for him to show them Sri Aurobindo's room since the Mother is not feeling well and he has to remain with Her constantly."
Around four o'clock I was typing in the flower-room when Nolini-da came in and said: "I have spoken to Champaklal and he has agreed to show the American ladies Sri Aurobindo's room tomorrow at twelve-thirty. Go and inform them.""They were overwhelmed with joy and gratitude. They said Champaklal-ji allowed them to meditate for fifteen minutes in Sri Aurobindo's room and then gave them most beautiful blessing cards from the Mother."
Nolini-da said: "That's nice.""What? I thought that you had already given them my picture?"
I said: "How could I? I don't have it. You have not given it to me."
"You don't know where I keep things in my room? Just go and give them two copies of my book Kabir Manishi. I am giving them my picture and I would like them to learn Bengali. So tell them that I am giving them this book to kill two birds with one stone."
Then he gave me a smile.At the end of his talk he said: "What I have just read out is profane, non-spiritual, but now I want to read something spiritual. I will now introduce Amrita to you. This is the second instalment. I must say that Amrita is always spiritual in his writings."
After reading out Amrita-da's talk he said: "Poor Amrita, he was not fortunate enough to dine with Sri Aurobindo. Indeed, this instalment has a tragic end, but soon he will tell us about his bright light."I immediately went to Sisir-da and told him that Nolini-da wanted to have a copy of that book.
He said to me: "Suniti is not here. When she comes back she will search for it, and if we have it she will take it to Nolini-da."
So I went back to Nolini-da's room and started working. Fifteen minutes later he came in and said: "Where is the book?"
"Sisir-da said he would send it with Suniti if they have a copy of it."
"What? Go immediately and see if he has that book. If he does not have it, then don't waste any more time. Go to Medhananda (the librarian of the Sri Aurobindo Ashram Library). I need that book urgently."
I went to Sisir-da. He said to me: "We don't have the book Nolini-da wants. Suniti says there is a book containing a few articles on the scientists, but it is a children's book. I am sure it will not serve Nolini-da's purpose.
I said to him: "You could have sent Suniti to Nolini-da. He has been waiting for the book and you promised to send it."
He said: "Well, I am sorry."
Then I went to Medhananda and got four different books entitled The Biographies of Eminent Scientists. Nolini-da was exceedingly glad to have these books and said to me: "Chinmoy, there was a special purpose in my asking you to go to Sisir.""Yes, I have read it."
"Then tell me, which year did he strike this Professor Oaten?"
"I am sorry, but I don't remember the year. But I can easily find out for you. Let me go to the library."
I was about to leave for the library when he said: "Where are you going? It is raining too heavily!"
But my zealous vital did not listen to him. I went to the library and found that the year was 1916. I gave him the information and he noted it down with joy. He wanted to insert it in his book of reminiscences.Nolini-da's account of this significant incident produced a most thrilling and illumining effect in my heart.
"To continue, I have divided my jail life into two parts. This time I shall tell you about our stay in the cell. I hope next time I shall be able to tell you about our court life.I said: "Yes, he has."
"You had to wait for a long time," Nolini-da said.
"I am so grateful that you are finally allowing me to continue my play on Sri Aurobindo in the Mother India."
He gave me a significant smile.
I said to him: "Yesterday in the playground you told us that it would be your last sitting. How I wish that you would tell about your musical experiences and your sports life at the playground."
"Oh no, those are my personal experiences. They are too personal."
"Rabindranath, in his Jiban Smriti, and Nabin Sen, in his Amar Jiban, revealed quite a few personal experiences," I said.
"Chinmoy, as you know, I am neither Rabindranath nor Nabin Sen. I am your Nolini-da and I would be embarrassed to read out those experiences in the playground."
I said to him: "But I have heard from an authoritative source that your musical experiences and your sports life will be published in Vartika."
"I see, I see. If ever they are published in Vartika, then you must know that it was not my doing but Ranju's."
Then we both smiled.Dikshit said: "I am only 72."
"Then you are younger than me by one year only."
Dikshit-bhai said: "We want to remain young; therefore the Mother has kept us young! We are Her children."
Nolini-da said: "You are right, absolutely right, Dikshit-bhai."
Both of them exchanged soulful smiles.Amrita-da said: "True, we do not know anything about embroidery, but we know everything about you. We judge your embroidery according to our affection for you."
Nolini-da gave Smriti a broad smile.Rajen-da said: "Let me see."
"High quality, excellent taste," Ranju-da replied. "But only five mangoes are in good condition. The rest were ruined in the train."
Nolini-da said: "Who sent them?"
Ranju-da said: "Satya Bose.""Ah, I have already seen a copy of it. I liked it very much."
Venkat then said to Nolini-da: "Please tell me if you have ever written anything on Lord Krishna."
Nolini-da gave him a smile and said: "Well, I am the wrong person to ask. Go and ask Chinmoy."
I said to Venkat: "Although Nolini-da has not written an article specifically on Sri Krishna, he has written quite a few things on Sri Krishna at various places. I shall collect them and give them to you."
Nolini-da said to Venkat: "So you see, your problem is immediately solved."I said to him: "You already have one."
"Where? When?"
"I shall get it for you right now."
"No, it is not necessary now, but give it to me tomorrow morning."
At the time I was typing an article by Nolini-da for the World Union magazine. The title was "A Global Unity." He commented: "Unity we need, but division we want."Nolini-da said to him: "Come in the afternoon. Ranju will give you one."
Prahllad said: "I no come in the afternoon. Ranju no good."
Nolini said: "Why is Ranju no good?"
Prahllad said: "Ranju insulting me. He calling me compounder. You know I am a doctor and F.R.C.S."
Nolini-da said: "I am sorry. Since you are such a great doctor I must give you an envelope." He stood up from his chair and got an envelope for Prahllad and said to him: "Prahllad today I am going to ask Ranju to call you doctor from now on and not compounder anymore."Amrita-da said: 'That is a good idea but I cannot be of real help to you. Go to Nolini."
The five young boys came up to Nolini-da and pleaded with him to find a new place for them.
Nolini-da said: "I sympathise with you, but you have come to the wrong person for help. Go to Amrita. He always deals with this kind of thing. It is his domain. I can't enter into his domain so easily."
The five boys came up to Amrita-da and told him what Nolini-da had said. Amrita-da replied: "I told you that I could not solve your problem. I thought Nolini could. Since even Nolini finds it difficult to solve your problem, there is only one person left and that is the Mother. Tomorrow I shall speak to her and she will take care of the matter."Nolini-da said to him: "Go! Go anywhere you want to, only don't come to me. Samar, I warn you, don't keep one leg in one boat and another leg in another boat, or you will fall into the sea of ignorance. Either go to church or remain in the Ashram."
Samar said: "But I go to church and repeat the Mother's name."
Nolini-da became furious. "For God's sake, leave me alone. Today I have most important things to do."
"Dada, to me you are like my own father."
"Indeed, what an honour to have a son like you!" Nolini-da replied.I said to him: "Nolini-da, it seems your body does not want you to participate anymore in athletic competition."
"I see, I see. Chinmoy, I know that you are not going to participate in athletics this year; you have had enough of it. But you must practise every day without fail to keep your body fit."
"I do that. Prahllad is my witness."
"I don't need your best friend to support your case. I believe you. You know, Chinmoy, I don't like to participate in athletics anymore either, but there are various reasons why I still have to."
I said: "I fully understand that."
He said: "I am glad that you understand it.""From Dilip? To you?"
"Yes. Recently I wrote an article about his father, D.L. Roy. I asked him to correct my article. He did so and sent it back to me with a letter. He has written much about you."
"About me?"
"You may wish to see it."
Nolini-da read the letter and said: "Mad, mad! Dilip compares me with his most illustrious father. He is really mad. I am sure you have told him that I am writing an article on his father."
I said: "No, I have not told him that. He has heard it from some other source, it seems."
"Anyway, if you answer his letter, tell him that I shall try to write something about his father. But don't say that I am writing something. You know me well. I may not get the necessary time to complete it."I went to Albert-da and told him about Nolini-da's wish. Albert-da was always most affectionate to me and, in his usual way, he said: "Chinmoy, you fool, you have brought neither his measurements nor his shorts. How am I going to make them?" Then he said to me: "All right, I shall come with you to his room."
I told him: "Nolini-da hesitated a little about asking you on such short notice."
"You fool! You work with Nolini-da. Don't you know that he is always an exception? Even if he asks me to do something at the eleventh hour, I shall do it gladly."I said: "You do not want to have a book on the great men of the East also?"
"Well, if you want to, you can also do that. My article on Pascal has to be translated into Bengali. Whom do you suggest?"
"May I try it?"
"You? You don't write in Bengali. You have been translating my Bengali writings into English."
"I have already translated your book The Malady of the Century into Bengali."
"How is it, then, that you have not shown it to me?"
Quite apologetically I said: "It needs a little bit of revision."
Nolini said: "In that case, if you translate it I don't have to worry.
That afternoon I left on his table my Bengali translation of one of his English poems.I said to him: "I translated it. You cannot recognise your own poem?"
"How do you expect me to remember everything that I have written?"
I said: "But you have made no correction."
"Do you mean that I have to correct even if it needs no correction? Put Pashchatyer Kabi O Manishi into chronological order."
"You mean according to their birth dates?"
"Yes."The lamp lies unlit and dismal dark —
Bring to it the spark of your morning love and life,The lamp is lit and burns.
The lamp burns low and dim —
Bring to it your earnest loyalty and clear adhesion,The lamp burns high and bright.
The flame mounts slow uncertain —
Bring to it your ardent yearning and unshakeable faith,The flame mounts swift and firm.
The flame sweeps tireless ever upward —
Call unto it the bending Grace from beyond,The lamp has become the Sun!
— Nolini Kanta Gupta
``` 13 October 1936"Did you consult a good Webster's?"
"Yes, I did. Let me go to the library and make further investigations."
In an hour I came back and said: "Except for Hilton, I found the birth dates of all."
"I am sure you will find his, too," he said.Afterwards, Rajen-da and I escorted him home. He said to Rajen-da: "Did you enjoy my talk?"
Rajen-da said: "Of course."
Nolini-da said: "Sometimes I am embarrassed to read out these kinds of things because they are too personal."
Rajen-da said: "Although they are personal, we learn much from them. It helps us a lot."
Nolini-da said: "Chinmoy also tells me the same." Then he said: "This coming Friday I shall read out Siddhi Dibas" (Sri Aurobindo's God-realisation day, 24 November 1926).After he read out the English version he said: "Next time I shall read it out in Bengali. Today I have a severe sore throat."
Needless to say, everybody was deeply moved and we all learned something new and special from his talk.At that moment Nolini-da happened to enter Amrita-da's room. The sadhak said: "Nolini-da, Amrita-da always cuts jokes with me."
"What else can he do? Why do you forget that this is his nature?" Nolini-da replied.
"I must say that it is not my nature, but my poor fate," Amrita-da said."That is nothing. At the start, perhaps you didn't have the determination to keep up your speed to the end. Otherwise, you could easily have kept pace with him to the end."
"I too think so."
"Moreover, recently you developed some pain in your leg. That, too, should be taken into consideration."
"Needless to say, you are my staunchest supporter and my best lawyer."Amrita-da said: "With Nolini? Has he agreed?"
"Yes, he has agreed. Only now I need you."
"Is Nolini ready?"
"He is," I said.
"If Nolini is ready, I am already ready. Come along. Let us make you immortal or let you make us immortal on your birthday."
Indeed, it was a classic picture. Nolini-da and Amrita-da were sitting in chairs. I was standing behind Nolini-da and Kalipada-da was standing behind Amrita-da."But I had already translated it."
This translation is altogether a different one," I said.
He was pleased that it was a different article."Yes, yes, I have heard all about it. Don't read that type of thing. It only lowers your consciousness, that's all. Now go to the dispensary and get some ointment for my leg."
Immediately I went to the dispensary and got his ointment. After I gave it to him he said: "Chinmoy, Janata needs an article from me. Can you get me an article from my old file? Ranju will mail it to them as soon as you find it. They need it for the Puja issue, so try to get it as soon as possible. Durga Puja is approaching fast.""What is wrong with you?"
"Nothing is wrong, but if you would translate it I would be very glad, grateful and proud."
"In that case, leave it here on the table." Smiling, he said, "Sincerity always pays.""Amrita-da, tomorrow I shall have something special for you," I said.
His immediate reply: "Since it is not easy to become a special person, I have to be satisfied in getting something special from you."
"Who says that you are not a special person?"
"Well, he who is a special person knows it and feels it."
"Amrita-da, who can outdo you in an argument?"
"Ah, I see. In that case I withdraw my point. I am indeed a special person when it is a matter of argumentation!"After a few moments he said: "Chinmoy, today I will give you the best sweets, made by the best sweet-maker. Do you know who she is?"
"How can I know? Please tell me."
"She is our Shibarani, the Ashram's Shibarani, the Mother's Shibarani."
Later, I entered Nolini-da's room to work. He said to me: "Today we must observe Amrita's birthday. Here is a huge cake. Go and give it to him. We shall invite his dear ones to his room."
Then I showed Nolini-da the group picture taken on my birthday. He was very pleased. He said to me: "I need three copies: one for the Mother and two for myself."
Robi-da also wrote a poem in Bengali about Amrita-da and asked his father to translate it into English. Nolini-da's translation of Robi-da's poem was also extremely beautiful.What we understand easily we believe we understand rightly,
We make a confusion between the face and its mask.We think the horizon line is the finishing line,
We forget that a blue sky stretches still beyond.The world is built with the tears and smiles of the gods...
A child is at play on the sandy beaches:He is never to be met in the crowd...
A jewel knows not itself, nor does a pearl know that it is a pearl!The goal fixed for ever, for ever he goes on,
The path offers no bar, no call reaches from behind:Lo!
The eternal voyager, eternally free,Eyes ever turned to the dawning East, never to the setting West.
He hides behind a veil and moves on...
Is it the stream?Is it the ocean vast?
— Nolini Kanta Gupta
``` Translated from the Bengali of Robi GuptaThe Creator in his dreaming has created
This immortal thing in creation,Figuring as a common creature,
forgetful of his self:A mystic reason makes him hide
his own form and nature,Ever at labour in working out
the Impossible:To transfigure Nature, to establish the Transcendent
here on the bosom of material Earth,To feed the divine sacrificial Fire
with this human body,With this bounded frame.
Lo, the timeless hero workerwith this flaming faith,
Indifferent to the rude impacts of Reality,Dreaming the victorious Mother's
wonder dreams,Shaping in his heart of hearts
the golden garden of Paradise —A faultless, sleepless, pure
self-dedicationHas built this life into a piece of
IMMORTALITY.— Nolini Kanta Gupta
``` Translated from the Bengali of Chinmoy"I put them in a file," I said.
"You have to keep those sheets in a file?"
"I keep everything in a file," I said. Then I brought out file No. 104 and gave it to him.
He smiled and said: "It seems I will not be able to lose anything anymore even if I want to."```
Unwarned by the Grim Reaper, unweighted with yearsIn silence off she shuffled her mortal frame.
A ceaseless fount spraying pure joy was she,Her heart all sweet with the zeal of a daring flame.
Her heavy boat plied from shore to shore unrhymed
Of blooming, quiescent or withering souls.A snow-white train of humour with rosy thrill
Her presence called forth in persons of varied roles.She served her Father divine, the Lord of the gods,
With earthly manna savoured with her soul's delight.Her heart's up-brimming transport she shared with all.
Mridu, His dove, flew quick to His golden Height.She bodied forth a climbing, sleepless love,
Her Parents blessed her life with bending Grace.A unique prayer the child from Him received;
Behold, ecstasy's emblem grew her face.— Chinmoy
```Sri Aurobindo wrote for Mridu the following to be used by her as her prayer:
/"I pray to be purified from self-will and self-assertion so that I may become docile and obedient to the Mother and a fit instrument for her work, surrendered and guided by her Grace in all I do."
/I went to Amal's house immediately and knocked at his gate. His wife opened the door. "I am so sorry to come to you at this hour," I said.
"Chinmoy, it is perfectly all right," she said. Then she called out: "Amal, Amal! Look, Chinmoy says he is sorry because he has come at this hour."
Amal said: "Chinmoy, you must know that you are always welcome. You can come at any time. Even if you have no specific reason, you can come and chat with me. You should have realised by now our mutual affection." Then he read Nolini-da's introduction.
I told him that Nolini-da wanted to see if he had any suggestions to make. He read it twice and said: "It is excellent. I have no suggestions to make." Then, with a smile, he said to me: "Sometimes when we offer suggestions to Nolini we just create unnecessary confusion for him."
"In that case, I am a real culprit. How often I offer suggestions! What is worse, sometimes they are unsolicited."
Amal said: "I have always admired your simplicity and modesty, but not your unnecessary and disproportionate humility."1. Agastya,
2. Lopamudra.
The remaining two are Puroraba and Sarama. Try to trace them. God alone knows where you will get them from."
I went to Medhananda's library and found them: one in Prabartak and one in Bartika. When I handed them to him he gave me a very broad smile."Yes, you are so right, Chinmoy. Yesterday the Mother asked me to read out something. After reading out only two pages, I had to stop. I felt very sorry. The Mother immediately gave me a pill. The effect of the pill continued for a few hours, but last night I suffered a lot."
I said to him: "I am sure it will go away soon."
Nolini-da said: "It has to."Nolini-da said: "I am only seventy-three. You are much older than I, but I am glad that you are keeping good health."
"It is all the Mother's Grace. I just recovered from a most serious illness."He burst into laughter. "Sudhir is my dear and real friend, but I cannot take him as my doctor."
At the playground Nolini-da said: "Today I shall read out to you two things; two, because they are short. One is a continuation of my previous reminiscences; the other one I won't tell you about right now."
After he had read out the first one he said: "You are all familiar with the concept of 'Hymns to the Light' but you will be surprised to learn why I am writing 'Hymns to the Darkness'." He also read out his English translations of Rabindranath's Bengali songs and of some Bengali poems by modern writers.
On our way back from the playground he asked me and Rajen-da our opinion. Rajen-da said: "Excellent!"
I said to him: "I have learnt something new: at times there is a real need for darkness."
He said: "At times darkness is nothing but a future preparation for a brighter light.""My reaction was to do nothing. I didn't strike her back because I did not come to the Ashram to do that kind of thing."
Nolini-da said: "Oh, I see, I see. Since you have come to do something else, do that very thing and become very good and devoted to the Mother.""I do hope that my work will not suffer," Nolini-da said.
Amrita-da said: "I assure you that will never be." Then both of them exchanged amused and soulful smiles.Amrita-da said: "Unfortunately you and I — especially I — have been taking that oath for a long time. Every day I promise myself that I will not believe him and every day I fail to keep my promise."
Nolini-da said: "I am sure one day you and I will succeed. For who wants to suffer unreservedly and undeservedly?"
Amrita-da said: "In your case, undeservedly is the right word; in my case, unreservedly is the right word. Let us really try not to believe anything that he says or does. He is such a disgrace to our Ashram!"I said: "You called me."
He said: "No, no, you are wrong. This kind of message you get only from your meditation."
I was about to go away when he said to me: "Since you took the trouble of coming to me, I must give you something. Let me give you this fountain pen. Many, many years ago I got it from someone and I have used it myself for many, many years. If you hear who gave it to me, your ego will swell up. Therefore I shall not tell you." Then with a smile he said to me: "I was under the impression that you were a good meditator, but now I have changed my opinion. You are able to hear me call you during your so-called deep meditation."Nolini-da was surprised and said: "Only the Mother can forgive you; nobody else on earth can. Why have you become the embodiment of falsehood?"
He said: "I do not know. But I am praying to the Mother to give me an iota of sincerity. As you know, my life and sincerity are two perfect strangers; therefore I am an object of ridicule."
Nolini-da said to him: "The Mother has definitely forgiven you. But try to make Her happy by being constantly sincere to Her and to yourself. When you try to deceive Her, which you can never do, you deliberately go millions of miles away from Her Compassion. Afterwards, it is you who suffer, and it is you who make the Mother suffer for your unthinkable insincerity. I tell you, as you have made yourself the embodiment of falsehood, the Mother will be able to make you the embodiment of truth, if you only give Her a chance.""No. They said there was nothing. It was all unnecessary worry."
"What shall we do with the doctors? On the one hand we need them badly; on the other hand they help us dig our grave long before it is time.""Chinmoy, I have already told you many times that I do not write either under compulsion or by impulse. Even though the whole world will be dancing during the coming year to commemorate the Vivekananda centennial, I don't like the idea of joining them unless I get the inner inspiration. We always have to keep in front of us our divine ideal and supreme goal.
"Now, do me a favour. Go and bring gargling salt from the dispensary."
I went to the dispensary and brought him gargling salt. He was happy to receive it."Yes, it is," said Pramila.
"Then you are all one-year-old babies. And I tell you, if you eternally remain babies before the Mother, you will make the fastest progress."
In silence they all offered their deepest gratitude to Nolini-da for his blessingful advice."Ah, it is a fine envelope. So big!" said Amrita-da.
"Since it is for the Mother, it must be sent properly," said Laljibhai.
"When it comes back from the Mother, it will be kept sacredly."
"Ah, Amrita-ji, you have become a poet. I said properly, and you said sacredly. It is a good rhyme. It seems that you have become a poet overnight."
"So you see how bright my future is! Unfortunately, nobody cares to know the poetic genius in me."When I came back from Sahana-di, Nolini-da gave me a big orange and said: "Here is your reward. Now you have to do something else. Go and tell Hriday (my eldest brother) that I wish to have the eighth ashtaka of the commentary on the Rig-Veda by Sayana. I need it badly. I tell you, there are very few people in the Ashram who study the Vedas. Hriday's interest in the Vedas is considerable."
That afternoon when I gave him the book, he said to Rajen-da, who happened to be there: "With this book from Hriday, my collection of the Rig-Veda is complete." Then he said to me: "This morning I gave you a reward. Now I wish to give you a beautiful picture which shows the natural beauty of Japan. I am sure it will inspire you."I said, "Can I not ask her to come immediately?"
"Oh no. She is too sensitive. She is angry with the Mother. That is why she has not come to see the Mother even on last darshan day. I am very tired; otherwise, I would have gone to see her personally."
"Yes, she is great, but to us you are greater than the greatest with your compassionate love and concern for us."
He gave me a smile and said, "Stop, stop! Go and tell her that if she does not find it too inconvenient, then I would be glad and grateful if she could come and see me."Udar came with Lilu and gave twenty-five copies of the new diary to Amrita-da. Amrita-da said: "Udar, please don't cover Lilu. I want to appreciate her sari. She looks so beautiful today."
Udar moved aside saying: "Look, Amrita-da, look and appreciate Lilu's beauty."
In the afternoon Sisir-da came and said: "Nolini-da, please give me ten New Year's calendars."
Nolini-da said: "Ten! Sisir, I can't give you ten."
"But I need them."
"Then tell me the names of the people you need them for."
Sisir-da started giving the names. When he mentioned Sisir Ghose of Shantiniketan I said: "He is in Missouri in America."
Sisir-da said: "That I know. He will be back in March. On his return he will definitely expect one from me." He then mentioned a few more names.
Nolini-da said: "Enough enough, and handed ten calendars to Sisir-da with a smile.
Then Sisir-da said: "Please give me ten copies of the New Year's message which you have translated into Bengali. I wish to send them to some of my acquaintances in Calcutta."
"What will they do with that?"
"Why? I am sure they will appreciate God's Hour."
Nolini-da said: "Do you think that outsiders believe in what we say and do here? Sometimes it seems to me they don't believe in our spiritual activities at all.""I have no idea, since I sit outside," I said.
"By the way, invite Nitya Gupta."
"Shall I invite his wife as well?" I asked.
"Of course, of course," he said. In the evening, after a few people had gathered, Nolini-da said, "Has everybody arrived?"
Somebody said: "Sujata has not yet come."
Amrita-da said: "From now on we shall take attendance. People must give a good excuse if they don't come or if they come late." All burst into laughter.
"The other day I read out to you 'Hymns to the Darkness'. Today I shall read out 'Hymns to the Light'. Then I shall read out an English translation of Rama Prasad's Bengali poems and the English translations of modern Bengali poets.""It is not yet five."
"So what? You can start now."
I immediately took quite a few beautiful flowers upstairs. Then I began meditating in the Meditation Hall. Around five o'clock Prahllad came in and said to Nolini-da: "Nolini-da, bonne fête."
Nolini-da said to him: "Merci, merci."
Prahllad said: "How much your age?"
Nolini-da said: "Ninety!"
Prahllad said: "Good."
Nolini-da said: "Very good."
Around six o'clock I went to give Nolini-da a book containing a poem I had written for his birthday, which had been translated into twelve languages. Norman-da came in to congratulate Nolini-da on his birthday. Nolini-da said to Norman-da: "You see what he has done for me?"
"Yes, I see it. It is very beautiful."
"In twelve languages!"
"In ancient times kings used to get things like this from their subjects and admirers. The people used to try their best to pay homage to the king in as many languages as possible."
"So today I am a king."
Both of them exchanged delightful smiles. While leaving the room, Norman-da said: "I should say it is wonderful."
Around eight o'clock Rajen-da came in. Nolini-da showed the book to Rajen-da, who said: "I don't want to see it all alone. I wish to bring some of my classmates (Nolini-da's French students)." Nolini-da's French students came in and expressed great joy when they saw the book.
Nolini-da said to them: "Now I wish to feed you. I have some special sweets for all of you."
Anima-di immediately said: "Let me get them for you to distribute."
"No, I want Ranju to do it. Ranju, where is your mother? Go and call her. It is she who should distribute the sweets." Ranju-da went out to get his mother. Nolini-da said to his students: "Stand in a line."
Prahlad and Bholonath, who were not his students, also stood in the line. Rajen-da said to them: "What are you doing here? Since when have you two become students?"
But Nolini-da said to Rajen-da: "Rajen, let them stay in the line. They are my eternal students."
The photographer Vidya Brata came in to take pictures. He took two pictures of Nolini-da and then Nolini-da said: "Now I wish to have a picture with Amrita. Chinmoy, go and call him."
I called Amrita-da, who immediately came. When Amrita-da and Nolini-da stood side-by-side, Indu-di (Nolini-da's wife), standing at the door of Bula-da, said: "Look, look! Ram and Laksman being photographed together!"
Amrita-da immediately said: "True, we are Rama and Laksmana, but Laksmana has to deserve Rama."
Indu-di said: "You do deserve Ram."
Nolini-da gave a broad smile. Amrita-da immediately left for his Tamil class.
Indu-di had a strong desire to have her picture taken with Nolini-da. I pleaded with Nolini-da to let himself be photographed with Indu-di and he agreed. I then went into Amrita-da's room to work. Indu-di came in and said: "Chinmoy, what are you doing here? Your Dada wants you to be in a picture with him."
Sushila came to greet Nolini-da. Nolini-da said: "Sushila, join us, join us."
Sushila said to me: "Chinmoy, don't be so serious. You will ruin the picture. Don't be so serious! Smile!"
The photographer immediately echoed her. Before the photograph was taken, Nirmala-di and Anima-di came in. Nolini-da asked them also to join.
Nolini-da said to us: "This morning I received a blessingful message from the Mother. It says: 'Victory of the Truth'. I wish to say, 'Victory of the Mother'."
That evening Manoj read out the English original of my poem on Nolini-da in the playground.Slowly Nolini petal on petal grows
At the Feet of his Master Divine.On him the Fount of moon-gold Vision flows;
Through aeons its splendours shall shine.He spreads in hush the Mother's nectar Light.
In secret through the daysHe bears the tears and smiles of our yearning's flight
To the Mother's earth-humble Grace.With the crescent souls a child of lucid thrill —
They barter with his heart their bliss.He lulls to sleep his mind's volcano-will
In his eyes' unchanging peace.Expunged is Ignorance-dream from his Ideal vast.
Through the pen he bares his Soul.He reaps the golden fruit of his tireless past;
Now within grasp his Goal! ```I went to Pradyut-da's house and told him that Nolini-da wanted to have his photographs. Pradyut-da said: "The Mother liked them so much that She kept them for Herself. Please tell Nolini-da that today I am leaving for Calcutta. On my return I shall make another set for him."
When Nolini-da heard that his pictures were with the Mother he said: "I am glad that Pradyut knows who comes first and who is the only real in us.""What is the condition?"
"The outer cloak is big but the inner vessel is small. I am ready to come only if you give me very little to eat."
Both mother and son were terribly amused and delighted. Then Indu-di said: "Your desire is granted."Kalipada-da said: "Why? I don't think he will come on his own to take the money back. Pradyut has borrowed this money from him for the Ashram. He must return it to him. Whenever the Mother is in financial difficulty, Mehra (Baburam's father) helps Her. Who else would do this? He never thinks of himself or of his big family. He only thinks of the Mother and his spiritual family, the Ashram."
Around one o'clock Amrita-da took Kameshwar with him in a car and went to Baburam's place to return the money.
[I offer my most sincere gratitude to my Baburam for meeting with the expenses of my ticket from Madras to New York.]I searched for the address and found it mixed with the papers of an article he was writing.
In the afternoon a little boy named Mana came to Nolini-da with his mother. Nolini-da said to Mana: "Mana, is this the first time you have come to the Ashram?"
Mana said: "No, this is the second time."
Nolini-da said: "Ah, then you and I are old friends."In the afternoon Nirmala-di said to me: "Nolini-da has received a letter from Roma. In the letter she mentions that she very much enjoyed your play on Sri Aurobindo: The Descent of the Blue."
Nolini-da added: "In the last issue of the Mother India it was not Chinmoy's play on Sri Aurobindo, but Chinmoy's play on me!"Nolini-da said: "Why do you involve the Mother in this matter? If you feel it proper from within, then go. If not, remain in the Ashram peacefully."
Mukherjee said: "But I am staying in the Ashram. I cannot do anything without the Mother's permission or approval."
Nolini-da said: "Indeed, indeed, but I am afraid I don't appreciate that kind of sentiment. To have real devotion and love for the Mother is one thing, but to show this devotion and love to others is a totally different matter. Usually the Mother does not give an opinion when people want to go out and talk about Sri Aurobindo and the Mother. You make your own decision."
Mukherjee said: "In that case, I shall think it over."
In ten minutes' time he came back and said to Nolini-da: "I have weighed the pros and cons and I have come to the conclusion that Bengal needs my service. So I am going."
Nolini-da said: "That's fine. I am glad that you are not involving the Mother in this matter."I took it to Albert-da immediately. Albert himself fixed it, though he had many workers under him. Such was his love for Nolini-da.
On my return, Nolini-da said to me: "One thing is done. Now something more: the laces of my shoes are all torn. Can you get me some new ones?"
I went to Harpagon and got a pair of laces from Panu-da. When I came back Nolini-da lovingly said: "Your running speed and working speed are two great rivals." In silence, I offered him my inmost gratitude."Fine," said Rajen-da, "I am feeling much better today."
Nolini-da said: "We always give all importance to the soul, but not to the body. Only when the body revolts do we pay attention to it and give it some respect. But our body's contribution to our life of aspiration always deserves special gratitude.""I am so sorry, I did not go to his class," I said.
"Why?" asked Amrita.
"I wanted to, but he didn't give me permission."
"That means he thinks that you know French well."
"No, it is the other way around, as far as I can tell. His students know French far better than I do and I would only create unnecessary trouble for him. That is why he does not want me to attend his French class."
"I am sure you have taken the divine attitude and are not upset at all."
"Of course, Amrita-da, I know that Nolini-da always knows what is best for me." I told Amrita-da that I would get firsthand information from a most reliable student and bring him the news about what Nolini-da had said about him.
"Chinmoy, whether I deserve it or not is one thing, but still I am eager to know it."I called Bishwabani, who was working at the Samadhi. Nolini-da very compassionately asked her to sit on the chair which was usually used by Ranju-da. Then he gave her a letter to read and went upstairs. Bishwabani read the letter and started crying most pitifully. I went to Amrita-da immediately and asked him what to do. "Shall I call a few girls her own age to console her?"
Amrita-da said: "That will not help much. Let us invoke the Mother's love for Bishwabani. It is Her love alone that will console her. Human consolation is useless. It is getting late. Go to the bank with the bankbooks."Everybody greatly enjoyed his talk on athletics. On the way back he said to Yogananda-da: "I hope you enjoyed my article."
Yogananda-da said: "Of course. Not only did I enjoy it, but I also learned a great deal!"
Nolini-da said to me: "Chinmoy, I am sure you too liked it."
I said to him: "In my case, I not only like all your writings without exception, but I also learn much from your writings. Each article of yours is like a new illumining dawn to me. How I wish that everything you have written about relaxation could be translated into as many languages as possible!"
Nolini-da said: "Ah, I see. That is your headache, since that is your project. Then he added: "I wish to translate a few portions of this article and read them out loud to the Mother."
Both Yogananda-da and I said: "It is an excellent idea. We feel the Mother will deeply appreciate it."I went to Nolini Sarkar for the synopsis. He said that he had already given it to Ranju-da. On the way to the Ashram post office I met Ranju-da and told him that Nolini-da wanted the synopsis. He happened to have it in his hand, so he gave it to me and I gave it to Nolini-da. Nolini-da started reading it and noticed that there were many words missing.
Nolini-da said to me: "Chinmoy, everybody thinks that I have a free access to the intuitive world."
I said: "I subscribe to their view wholeheartedly."
"You are all wrong. Anyway, I am not going to waste my intuitive power, which you all feel I have, in filling up the blanks. Go to Nolini Sarkar and tell him that he can use his own intuitive power this time, so that I can preserve mine!"For a minute or two we meditated. Then Nolini-da said: "Yes, you can use 'principle' since I am not getting a better word."
"I have completed your book Madhuchhandar."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that in the latest issue of the Mother India I completed the translation of your Madhuchhandar Mantramala."
Nolini-da said: "Oh, I see. What is next?"
"I am planning to translate your Vaidic Kathopakathan (Vedic Conversations), which are not yet out in book form."
Nolini-da said "That's fine."Rose-di, who was also in the room, immediately said: "Chinmoy will go deep within."
Nolini-da said: "That is what all our young boys and girls must do."
Amrita-da said: "In that case, I have passed my examination. I am no longer young. I have already gone deep within and am trying hard to come out. But something or someone is preventing me from coming out."
Everyone laughed and laughed, including Nolini-da. I immediately left for Abhay Singh's.I said to Amrita-da: "Yesterday Champaklal-ji gave me two special messages to type for the Mother which he said were urgent."
"Chinmoy, don't involve me in your problems with Champaklal. I tell you, mine is much more important than his."
"Amrita-da, to be very frank with you, I have not yet had the opportunity of experiencing your anger, while I have had personal and impersonal, direct and indirect, experiences of our Champaklal-ji's divine outbursts. Therefore, I leave aside everything else whenever he asks me to do something for the Mother. True, I have experienced Champaklal-ji's divine outbursts, but I have also been inundated a good many times with his divine affection, love and concern."
"Chinmoy, you are not only right but also clever. You are a poet, but I can easily see that you could have become a good lawyer, too."
Around four o'clock I gave Amrita-da the birthday list, typed as neatly as possible. He said to me: "Chinmoy, yesterday you satisfied the Mother in Champaklal, today you are satisfying the Mother in me.""No; I do not. Will you tell me?"
"X. Kamani has bolted her door from inside. She left a note outside her door saying that she will open the door only after she has realised Sri Aurobindo. Dinesh feels that she left the note yesterday morning. Since then she has not come out of her room. I spoke to the Mother about her. The Mother has asked me to inform Dinesh to break open the door with the help of some strong boys, so go and ask Mona to do what is necessary."
At this moment Dinesh came running to Nolini-da and said: "X. Kamani has come out of her room, declaring that she has totally realised Sri Aurobindo."
Amrita-da was passing by. He overheard Dinesh's report to Nolini-da and immediately said: "So, she has totally realised Sri Aurobindo. Not only totally, but also unmistakably, I must add! Dinesh, make a list of all the mad people in the Ashram and submit it to me."
Dinesh said: "Amrita-da, it is so easy. I shall head the list."
"No, I don't think you can transcend X. Kamani. You don't deserve to be the first. However, you can take second place!""Yes, I know. He works at 'Honesty'."
"Do you think he could go through some of my Bengali proofs?"
I said: "Certainly he could. Please let me take the proofs to him."
Nolini-da said: "Actually, I need more than one person."
"In that case I can go through some of the proofs."
"But do you have time for that? You have so many other things to do."
"Nothing can be more important than your work," I said.
"In that case, you see the proofs of the new edition of Banglar Pran and let Kanu Priya see Ma."There is no lack of foolish argument against sports in our country: "When did our ancient Yogis and saints take part in sports? If they had no such need, why should the Yogis of today have the need?" But the ancients were never without sports and amusements. The Rishi Jamadagni practised archery. It is recorded that one day he was shooting arrows and his wife, Renuka Devi, was helping him by bringing them back. The burning sun fatigued her so much that the Rishi fitted his arrow to the bow to hit the sun. Frightened, the sun-god came down. Appearing before the Rishi, he said that according to the divine dispensation his function was to give heat and light to the earth, but to save the lady from discomfort he would present her with a pair of sandals and an umbrella. It is said that since then the umbrella and shoes have been in use.
Not only did the women help their husbands and relatives in such sports; when necessary, they fought side by side with the men. When Queen Vishpala, wife of King Khela, lost her thigh on the battlefield, the twin divine physicians Aswinikumaras gave her an iron thigh at the request of the king's priest, Agastya. Was this the beginning of "artificial limbs"?
Even among the gods there was provision for happy competition. Surya, daughter of Surya, was to select the most successful competitor for her husband. The rule of the competition was that whoever reached the sun-world first would win her hand. The Aswinikumaras won the race and the prize.
Our beloved Captain, Manoj (himself a champion in athletics, an ace student of his time and an adept in histrionics, now a Professor at the Sri Aurobindo International Centre of Education), has most impressively dwelt at length on Physical Education in Ancient India in the April issue of our Bulletin of Physical Education.
We now come to Nolini's athletics. The difference between an ordinary athlete and Nolini is that he takes athletics as part of Sri Aurobindo's Integral Yoga. Even after stepping into his seventieth year he has made striking progress. This has been possible by his earnest personal effort and by the Grace of the Mother. He has proved that the main enemy of athletics is not age but lack of the sense of youthfulness.
In 1955, at the age of sixty-six, despite the fact that he had practised the long jump all year, he was disqualified in all three competitive jumps before the Mother. The three rounds of laughter from the spectators vanished in the air because Nolini remained the same unperturbed figure that he always is. But he knew how such defeats affect younger nerves.
"Can an ever-happy being even in a distracted moment sense the feeling of the afflicted?
How can one who has never been bitten by a venomous snake feel its tearing pain?"
Here in the test of merit the bite is frustration. Here the Yogi has to pay the highest price of his Karmayoga (Yoga in Action): sama jaya parajayo (equal in victory and defeat).
Just two years later, in his sixty-eighth year, Nolini won first place in the long jump and thus reminded us of the great words of Sri Aurobindo in Savitri:
> His failure is not failure whom God leads.
And
> Man can accept his fate; he can refuse.
If he could jump from the last possible point, then he could easily exceed his 1957 record of 3m 85cm, not by several inches but by two feet or more. For others of his age that would be an unimaginable feat.
Nervousness, though undesirable, is natural to us in the hour of competition. The goddess of sleep keeps her benign face away from us for even a week before that hour. It is a little difficult for sadhaks like us to admit that our nervousness is caused by the weakness of our vital being. Much to our surprise, Nolini has given us no chance to see him with the jitters.
Our Amrita became a member of the Blue Group. Marching exercises he did — unexpectedly, unbelievably, quite contrary to his nature. He left the Group a few years later. However, despite being swept up in a whirlwind of work, he would be present on the sportsground on the days of "his" Nolini's athletic competition. One can easily predict that wherever Nolini is present, Amrita is sure to be there also. Laksmana knew, and so do we, that he had no equal when he stood by Rama; Rama, too, felt in the depths of his heart:
```
Dese dese kalatrani dese dese ca bandhavahTattu desam no pasyami yatra bhrata sahodarah.
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(Wives and friends can be found everywhere,But at no place a brother of my own.)
```On January 13, 1962, Nolini's birthday, an inmate of the Ashram wanted to know from Amrita if his relations with Nolini were friendly or brotherly. Amrita was silent for a while, taken aback. Then he said: "Is he my friend? You people may think so. But I always look upon him as my own elder brother." Two flowers on one stalk: such joint lives dedicated to the Mother are an example to all the Ashram.
Now for an anecdote which sounds like but is not a cock-and-bull story.
One day Abinash Bhattacharya, a fellow prisoner of our Sudhir (Captain Mona's father) in the Andamans, was witnessing the marching exercises in the Ashram playground. The sight of Nolini running upset the gentleman. He said to Sudhir: "Sudhir, stop Nolini from running. God knows when he may create a scene by falling. Is he not aware that he has long since passed his youth? I tremble at the sight of him."
"Dada," said Sudhir, "have you seen Nolini participating in the running and jumping competition?"
"Competition! At his age? If I were not an eyewitness here, I would not believe it. Of course, everything is possible for a Yogi. If I were asked to jump, I would jump over to the next world in a single bound, though I might pass the rest of my life in bed with broken limbs. Sudhir, you are laughing, but my heart skips a beat for Nolini."
Though it may sound unbelievable, in 1954, at the age of 65, Nolini breasted the tape in the 100 metre sprint with his best time of 14.9 seconds. He could easily have bettered it by one second had he been able to maintain his speed from start to finish. Alas, the last twenty metres of the race did not fully surrender to his flying feet. Of course, ninety out of a hundred suffer this fate. But never was Nolini compelled to cover the final twenty metres with the speed of a slow cycle race as did the Pakistani sprinter, of course unwillingly, in the World Olympics held in London in 1948.
In 1954 Nolini came off not only first in the 100 metre sprint but also third in the 200 metre. His time for the latter race was 32.4 seconds. But one year later the athlete Nolini rose to his best time (31.6) in the 200m sprint.
A striking event: In 1958 while practising 200m he fell after having run 40m and was hurt in two or three places. He stood up and said to his co-runner: "Who but I should fall? I could not summon the full concentration that I should have had before the start." Here is the difference between Nolini and ourselves. In such a case we blame our fate, whereas he who believes in self-effort blames his personal lapse. In a few seconds Gangaram, our genial athletic coach (himself a matchless athlete in his time), ran up to the spot and gave Nolini first aid.
In 1955 Nolini took part in the most arduous of all the races, which demands both speed and stamina: 400m. His time: 1.20.6. To compete in a 400m race at the age of 66 is surprising — not only for an Indian, but for any athlete in the world.
Another surprise: Two years earlier he had chosen the most exacting and difficult of all the jumping events — Hop, Step and Jump. In this he won third place, beating his fellow-competitors of less than half his age.
A sample of Nolini's timings in the 100m sprint:
1955 — 15.2 s
1956 — 15.3 s1957 — 15.3 s
1958 — 15.4 s1959 — 15.4 s
To keep up the same standard with negligible variation for five years successively, especially in a 100m sprint, is unimaginable.
Here in the Ashram all work is part of our sadhana. To look upon success and failure with a steady eye is our first essential. Victory or defeat made no difference to Nolini, with his burning and lasting enthusiasm.
We have observed that indifference to the results cannot make for the perfection of anything. To have enthusiasm for an action whose results are of no concern to the doer is a very difficult matter.
> Thou hast a right to action, but only to action, never to its fruits.
On May 29, 1953, it is doubtful if Hillary and Tenzing could have scaled Everest and planted the banner of victory on its summit had they literally followed this principle of the Gita.
In 1955 two elderly sadhaks of the Ashram participating in the athletics competition took to the track to show their worth to the Mother. They entertained no thought of victory or defeat, honour or dishonour. They had never been seen in field practice. They presented themselves on the fixed day at the fixed hour and at the fixed place for an 80m race. The group ahead of them ran off. Now it was their turn. They took their positions with some difficulty without the help of starting blocks. The stentorian orders of Pranab (Director of Physical Education) went forth one after another: "Get on your marks," "Set," "Go." Strangely, there was no sign of a start. Those nearby asked: "Why the delay?"
Turning to his co-runner, one of the two said: "Let us start then."
"You go first."
"How can I? You are on my right. We have to run abreast."
During the everyday marching exercises they had heard Pranab say: "Keep in line by dressing right." How could it be otherwise here? At last, at the impatient shouts of the spectators, they got to the position of "attention." Then their race began, based on the principle of niskama-karma. The two reached the finishing line together, neither preceding the other. If one slowed down a bit, the other adjusted his speed accordingly, just to keep in line. Thus they came up to the Mother. This is how our niskama-karma is abused at times, reduced to a lifeless and ridiculous rule. But in every action of Nolini's one can see the full measure of his zest and enthusiasm. His interest, earnestness and enthusiasm in sports do not end with himself: he shared his feelings with all.
Nolini participated also in the hammer throw and shotput after regular and systematic practice. His coach in the hammer was his beloved Rajen, ever young, ever zealous and ever friendly to all sportsmen. Disregarding pain here and there in his body, Nolini carried on his daily practice in these two items without a break. Thoughtless fellows like us might read in this activity an ambition to win a high place. But the fact was that he was quite against pampering the pain by keeping to bed and persuading himself that he was helpless. His aim was to ignore pain and reject it altogether from his body. Indeed, herein lies the secret of a true sportsman.
There can be no shadow of a doubt that Nolini could have excelled in athletics in his school days as he did in football, had athletics been introduced in Bengal at that time.
While the author of Swapani (Robi Gupta) was a student at Nilphamari H.E. School in Rangpur District, one day his playmates were deeply admiring his skill in football before their games teacher, Sri Amulya Banerjee. With a smile he said: "You have not seen his father (Nolini Kanta) play. Had you seen him..."
In 1945, the late Monsieur Benjamin introduced our rising football player, Robi Gupta, to the patron President of Cercle Sportif Ground at the end of a football match. His immediate comment was: " Mais il ne joue pas comme son pere" ("But he does not play like his father").
Our Austin so liked Nolini's article on Football that he sent a copy of it, along with Nolini's autographed photo, to his Canadian friends, well-known football players.
Nolini was not only a brilliant sportsman but also an athlete of the mind. At the age of only thirteen he passed the matriculation with a scholarship. Because of his tender age his father had misgivings. But his uncle was well aware of the sharpness of his intelligence and memory. Hence he encouraged him to sit for the examination. And the result was success attained with a scholarship.In 1954, Baburam and three other children of Group A outran Nolini's team and Baburam was beside himself with joy. A youth questioned him: "By outdoing old people you become so happy?"
"No, no," came the prompt reply from Baburam. "We are happy just because we were able to defeat the Secretary of the Ashram. Can you dare defeat him in anything?" The poor questioner could not find his tongue.
It was through sports that Nolini could so intimately mix with children. Even now he keeps up that capacity. There is an affinity of soft feeling between Nolini's heart and the children's.
Here is one unforgettable incident: On the first of March, 1961, at about 3 p.m., Nolini was standing in front of the room where incense sticks are lighted for us at Sri Aurobindo's Samadhi. A child named Gopal who enjoyed his affection happened to be there. He asked Nolini: "Such a big line, one is going behind the other to the Mother for her blessing. What do you call it in French?"
"Queue," came the answer from Nolini with a gentle smile.
"No, it's wrong. My teacher Jayanti-bhai told me something else."
"All right. Ask Jayanti-bhai about the French word for 'line' and tell me tomorrow," said Nolini, patting Gopal on the back.
"No, why should I tell you?"
"I shall learn it from you."
"Then I am ready to ask Jayanti-bhai and let you know the word tomorrow."
One day Gopal will grow old. By that time most probably Nolini's French poems will be brought out in book form and Gopal as well as the rest of us will have the opportunity to read those valuable works. One day he will hear the great French savant Sylvan Levi's high appreciation of Nolini's command of French. Gopal may one day study Plato and Aristotle. Plato's comment on Aristotle was: "My academy consists of two parts — the body of my students and the brain of Aristotle." Perhaps Gopal will then find no difficulty in pointing out the Aristotle of the Sri Aurobindo Ashram. Perhaps also he will know the Matthew Arnold of Bengal in our Ashram, the author of Adhuniki, one among the first hundred Bengali books, and Tagore's comment on its rival sister Sahityika: "Nolini Kanta Gupta's contribution to Bengali literature is unique." According to Barindra Kumar Ghosh, "Nolini is the intellectual son ( manas-putra ) of Sri Aurobindo."
Let us end this account of Nolini's athletic career on a symbolic link with his spiritual career.
Nolini beginning his sprint and finishing the race can be seen in a composite photograph which makes him start at the Mother's feet and arrive at Sri Aurobindo's — an illustration of his Master's advice: "Accept the Mother. She will bring you to me."I said: "I am so sorry. I shall insert it."
I was glad that Amrita-da was present. Although I had asked him twice to come, he told me he was not feeling well that day.
After the meeting was over I was meditating in the Meditation Hall. Amrita-da called me and I went to him. He placed his hands around my shoulders and pressed very hard, saying: "Chinmoy, I am blessing you, I am blessing you," with tremendous affection and love."I tried German for six months but then I had to stop," I said.
"Why?"
"I found it too difficult to learn."
"Nothing is too difficult unless you have some special problem. You should try to learn several languages.""That is fine," said Nolini-da. "Wonderful, wonderful!"
"But you know, for a long time I have not been able to increase one thing."
"What is that?"
"My height. No improvement!"
"I know a good cure for it."
"A way to increase my height?"
"Yes. Just raise your heels slowly and secretly, but more secretly than slowly."I went to Priti-di's place and asked her. Priti-di immediately said: "Go and tell Nolini-da that his time is our time. Needless to say, we are all unworthy of his boundless affection and love. All of us will definitely come to his place tonight."
Then Priti-di lovingly reprimanded me. "Chinmoy, it seems to me that you don't have the right pronunciation. You are mispronouncing my name. My name is Priti. Pri is long and ti is short. You are pronouncing both as short. Anyway, I forgive you. Let me tell you about a most significant incident in my life. When I was in my freshman year at college in Bengal, I bought a copy of Nolini-da's Adhuniki and sent it to him for his autograph. Do you know what he wrote? He wrote ' Sneher Pritike pritir sange' (To dear Priti, with love). You simply can't imagine how happy and delighted I was when I received Nolini-da's blessingful affection and love. And then when I saw him here in the Ashram for the first time, he spoke to me with such heavenly affection, love and concern that the experience will always be with me."From:Sri Chinmoy,A service-flame and a service-sun, Agni Press, 1974
Sourced from https://srichinmoylibrary.com/sf