In your case, that problem does not arise at all. You are not destructive or disobedient. In your case, it is only your friendship with ignorance that is delaying you. When that friendship goes away, then you will enter into the soul.
There are three types of disciples. One type prays to the Supreme to please me or to please the Supreme in me at every moment in the Supreme’s own Way. Another type prays or meditates to please the Supreme in me fifty per cent of the time, and fifty per cent of the time they expect the Supreme in me to please them in their own way. The third category is praying to the Supreme only to please them one hundred per cent of the time in their own way.
Now you select the category which you want to belong to. See if you can say, “I am trying in my own way to be in the first category, to become a first-class disciple of the Supreme, to please Him all the time in His own Way. That is my prayer.” If you cannot say it, then learn to say it. Everybody should try to please the Supreme in His own Way. Then you will all become first-class disciples.From:Sri Chinmoy,Ten divine secrets, Agni Press, 1987
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