Part I — Fear

Fear of the spiritual life

When you are uncertain about the spiritual life, when you are not sure whether you will be able to enter into it wholeheartedly, then you become afraid. But one day when you have had a very good meditation, ask yourself, “Has the outer world fully satisfied anybody?” Then try to identify yourself with others who are not aspiring, with your friends and the members of your family. At that time you will have a real magnet within you, so just pull them. You will see that what they have is all frustration. Some may be very rich and prosperous, some may have big families, but their life is all frustration. And you will see that you do not have thousands or millions of dollars, you have no friends or family, nothing; yet you are the happiest person. What has made you happy? Your aspiration, your meditation.

Everybody is crying for one thing: happiness. A child wants to be happy; an old man wants to be happy. You have to ask why this child and this old man are not happy. The answer will come to you that a child will not be happy even if you place before him all the toys and dolls in the world. Immediately he will look sad and then he will just throw them aside. In the case of the old man, millions of things he has wanted; ten or twenty things he has received. Some old men have got from life everything they wanted, but even then they are not at all happy. Perhaps God has fulfilled ten thousand desires that they had, but they are still not happy because there is no end to their desires.

Another problem once you have accepted the spiritual life is the fear of rejection. You are afraid that although you have accepted the Truth and the Light, they have not accepted you. This is your main problem. You have accepted this path; now has the path accepted you or not? You have accepted me as your Master; yet you are not sure whether I have accepted you wholeheartedly as my true disciple. You appreciate my spiritual qualities; do I appreciate your spiritual qualities? Now, you have to feel that I do appreciate your good qualities. That is why your good qualities respond. Because I have accepted you, I show you my concern, love and blessings; and in turn, you are showing me your love and concern. Just feel that acceptance came from me first, not because you came and saw me, no! It was destined. It is not who comes to whom but who accepts whom. I might come to your house and you might not accept me as your Master. Again, you might come to my place and I might not accept you. You have to feel that acceptance comes right from the Master, not from the disciple. The disciple tells the Master outwardly, “I want to be your disciple.” But the Master is a tricky man: before he even sees or talks to the disciples he accepts or rejects them. Inwardly he has already made the decision.

When you have the feeling that the Master accepts or rejects you before you open your mouth, then your problem is solved. It is just because the Master has shown you divine Love and inner Light that you are able to offer your aspiring love. And if you give service in some way, you have to know that the Master has already served you. Feel that I have done the thing for you which you are doing for me; that I have done this very thing and much more in infinite measure, beyond comparison. When it is a matter of service, concern, love and all that you have given me, feel that I have given you much more. You have accepted me as your Guru; I have accepted you as my disciple. Here is mutual acceptance, but whose acceptance is stronger? The moment you feel that my acceptance of you is much more sincere, more powerful and more fulfilling, then all your problems will be solved; immediately they are bound to be solved.

From:Sri Chinmoy,Three strangling sisters: fear, jealousy and insecurity, Agni Press, 1974
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