Laugh, laugh! Mind-burden gone
1.
Do you know that this morning I went to a mind reader?— I am sure he charged you one-quarter price!
2.
Doctor, please tell me when I should take the aspirin — before I get the headache or after I get the headache?— Take it neither before nor after.
3.
You silly dentist! You have pulled out the wrong tooth!— You silly fellow! You have no patience. I am coming to the right one.
4.
Twenty dollars! Is it not too much to pull out a tiny tooth from my little child?— Your "little mouth" had a big cry, and three of my patients left!
5.
I have changed my mind completely.— Tell me, is it for the better or for the worse?
6.
By this time you should have realised that I have a big heart!— Indeed! I have also realised that you have a big stomach as well.
7.
I don't believe everything that I hear.— I don't blame you. But, like me, repeat everywhere everything that you hear.
8.
Can you tell me who composed, "O, Say Can You See?"— Just an ordinary eye specialist.
9.
You have been promising and promising to me that one of these days you will come to my place.— I see, tomorrow I shall. Don't worry. I shall definitely come to your place, either by plane or by car or by foot.
10.
Master, what shall I do for my dream to come true?— Wake up and don't go to sleep!
11.
Can you not stop your dog from staring at me?Why should I? He is enjoying seeing one of the members of his own family.
12.
Why did you kill your poor wife?— No other way. Too much money was involved in the divorce.
13.
When was the father of America born?— On George Washington's birthday.
14.
How is it that you do not know that Columbus found America?— Alas, I did not know that America was ever lost.
15.
Sister, your husband is a professor. Do you know which book he likes best?— Unfortunately, I do not. But I do know which book I like best.
Which book do you like best?
— My husband's checkbook.
16.
What is the speciality of Washington, D.C.?— Some people are afraid of being discovered, while others are dying to be discovered.
17.
Why do you like marriage so much and not divorce at all?— Because divorce costs much more.
18.
I do not like flowers at all.— Why? Everybody likes flowers. What is wrong with you?
Because they are always found in beds and nowhere else.
19.
I love you so much.— Why?
Because you have a veiled mouth and an unveiled heart.
20.
Can you give me Lincoln's Gettysburg Address?— Sorry, I don't have it. But the White House has.
21.
I went on a strict diet for three weeks.— So what happened?
Alas, I lost three precious weeks!
22.
How can anybody prove that I have taken too many calories?— Easily I can prove. Your fat will expose them.
23.
Why are you collecting all old, useless magazines?— Because in the near future I am planning to be a dentist.
24.
Have you read George Bernard Shaw and Mark Twain?— No. But I have red T-shirts.
Alas, my barber is the worst possible haircutter.
— But he definitely tells you the latest, juiciest stories!
26.
Hello, is this room service?— Yes.
Can you send me a spoon?
— Just wait a little. Somebody is using it.
27.
How is it, Pulak, that you are wearing one sock? Have you lost the other one?— No, I just found this one.
