The priest and the taxi driver

There was a very nice priest who used to give special sermons every weekend at four churches. Everybody liked his sermons because he was a very kindhearted and nice man. Very often he used to show personal interest in people who belonged to his churches, and the congregations admired him and appreciated him.

He could walk to three of the churches, but one was quite far so he used to take a cab there. Usually the driver would wait for him while he gave his sermon, and then charge him for the waiting time as well as the trip. He would always give long sermons and everybody would get joy and appreciate him, so he never cared about spending the extra money on the cab.

One day, he didn’t have as much money as usual, so he said to the taxi driver, “Let me go and see how many people are there today. It is raining heavily, so perhaps many people have not come.”

The taxi driver said, “Fine. You go and see. If nobody is there, you can come right back. I will leave the meter running and wait for you. If I stop the meter and have to wait for you for an hour or two, it will be very expensive. The best thing is to let the meter run for a few extra minutes.”

The priest assured him, “I will go see how many people are there. If there are not many people, I will come back in a short time.”

The priest entered into the church to give his talk, but it was completely empty. Suddenly a man in a big hat and raincoat entered hurriedly and sat on the first pew, shivering. He said to the priest, “You are giving so much to your congregation, but today nobody is here.”

The priest said, “You are the only one who has taken the trouble to come today. You are such a spiritual man. But I have to ask you one thing. Since today you are the only person, can I give you a very short talk?”

The man said, “You! What kind of priest are you? Today I am so spiritual, so soulful. I have come to hear your full sermon. Always you give at least an hour talk. This time also you have to talk for at least an hour. My wife is making my life miserable. My whole family is rotten and they are all cursing me. You have to give a wonderful talk. From your sermon I will get such peace.”

The priest said to himself, “He is such a sincere man and here I wanted to fool him so I could go away quickly to save taxi money. Father in Heaven, how can I deceive such an innocent man?”

The man was insisting, “If you are a sincere priest, you will never think of the number of people. You will think only of the heart. My sons have gone to the dogs. My wife makes my life miserable. And you want to shorten the sermon!”

The priest said, “Please forgive me. I will give my full sermon and you will get much consolation.”

So he gave his long sermon, speaking for at least an hour and a half. All the time the meter was running in the taxicab. Finally the priest asked the man, “Are you satisfied?”

The man answered, “Yes, yes, I am so grateful. You have given me such consolation that now I don’t have to come here for two weeks! For two weeks it will not be necessary for me to come.”

The priest said, “Every week you should come; otherwise, your love for God and Truth will decrease. So I want you to come every week.”

The man said, “All right, I will come. I am so deeply moved by your sermon. You can’t imagine how deeply moved I am and how much I have benefited from your words.”

The priest said, “Now, let me go. I am sorry. I asked the taxi driver to wait for me, saying that in a few minutes I would be back. What is he thinking of me? I hope you will forgive me for wanting to give a short sermon and that he will forgive me for making him wait. Again, if he does not forgive me, no harm. I will pay whatever the meter says. I have done such a good job. To save even one person, to offer a sermon at the time of even one person’s need, is my only goal. I have come here to save humanity, and I am glad that you have benefited from my talk.”

When the priest said, “Goodbye,” the fellow ran faster than the priest and entered into the cab. He took off his coat and hat and waited. When the priest entered into the taxi, he got the shock of his life. For he realised that the man who had been inside the church was none other than the taxi driver.

The priest said, “O Father, O Father in Heaven, forgive me. Just a few minutes ago I asked You to forgive me because there was such a nice, sincere man waiting to hear my talk and all I cared about was saving money. I thought the man was a nice listener who needed my sermon. Now I see that he has deceived me. This time I pray to You to forgive him.”

The taxi driver said, “Our Father has forgiven you, but He is asking you to pay me. You are a priest, and you have to be honest. So whatever the meter says, you have to pay.”

The taxi driver brought the priest back and the priest paid what the meter said. It was a very large sum. The priest said, “Father in Heaven, please forgive him. Please forgive this undivine taxi driver.”

The taxi driver said, “Father, please forgive this stupid fool, this priest.”

Commentary:

Once deception enters, how much embarrassment there can be. The priest was always nice and kindhearted, but on that day he didn’t have much money. Even though he didn’t have money-power, if he had had heart-power, very sincerely he could have said to the man in the church, “Today I have no money. Will you be able to help me pay for the taxi if I give a long sermon?” Because he resorted to deception, this is what happened. If he had explained, “Every week I come and give a long talk, but today I do not have enough money to pay the taxi driver to wait,” then the rogue taxi driver would have been caught. But just because the priest was insincere, this happened. A drop of insincerity on the part of the priest created such embarrassment!

The two intimate friends

There were two intimate friends who loved each other very much. One was the laziest person, and the other was the busiest. The lazy one would never do anything, and the active would always be working.

The other friends of the dynamic one would say, “You have such a lazy friend.” But he would answer, “What can I do? God has made some people active and some people inactive. This friend of mine is very nice to me, so I do everything for him.”

One day the active one said to the inactive one, “I do everything for you. Do you think that today you can go and buy some fruit and vegetables for us?”

The lazy one said, “No, I can’t go.”

The other said, “All right, I am going.”

He went to the market and got what they needed to eat. He came back with the vegetables and foodstuffs and said, “Now that I have got everything, do you think that you can cook today?”

The other one answered, “No, I can’t.”

The active one made the meal. It took him about an hour to cook everything. While he was cooking, he asked his friend, “Could you please set up the table now?”

The lazy one said, “No, I’m not in the mood to do that kind of thing.” So the energetic one set up the table.

After a little while the active one said, “All right, now the food is ready. Can you bring only two glasses of water?”

“Oh no!” protested the lazy one, “I can’t.”

The energetic one brought the water to the table and then he brought the food and asked, “Can you join me for the meal?”

The lazy one said, “In order to maintain our friendship, at least once I have to listen to your request. Otherwise, what will people think of me, and what will you think of me? People will speak ill of me and you will also feel sad. I can’t make you sad all the time. At least once I have to make you happy. You are such a gentleman; for once I have to prove that I can also be a kindhearted person. Therefore, I am willing now to eat with you.”

The other friend gave him a very soulful and grateful smile. He said, “Since you will listen to my last request, you definitely deserve my soulful gratitude. At least you have listened to one of my requests.”

The lady and her dog

An old lady had a dog which was extremely dear to her. Her friends felt that she loved the dog more than she loved her children or even her husband. One day the dog left her house and got lost. Where it went, nobody knew. The lady was very sad and miserable. She and the members of her family went looking for it in so many places. Finally she phoned up the police and said, “I will give you a big reward if you find my dog.”

One of the policemen said, “Certainly we shall look for it, but now it is raining heavily.”

The lady said, “My dog has not eaten for one day.”

The policeman assured her, “Even if your dog does not eat for two or three days, the dog won’t die.”

The lady was very happy to hear that. She said, “Are you sure?”

“I am sure,” said the policeman. “What colour is it?”

“White and brown,” the lady told him. Then she said, “I will tell you a secret. You must not tell anybody.”

The policeman said, “No, I won’t tell anybody.”

She said, “My dog has started talking. He talks like a human being.”

The policeman said, “Who knows, perhaps your dog is trying to call you right now. I had better hang up.”

He was a joker, so he relayed the story to one of his friends. His friend, who was an infinitely worse joker, said to the police man, “Your part is over. Now my part will start.”

“What will you do?” asked the policeman.

“I will do something. Then I will let you know,” the friend answered, and he took the phone number of the lady from the policeman.

The friend had a very ugly, dirty dog that he wanted to get rid of. He did not like the dog at all, but his son liked it. Now he thought of giving his son a beautiful new dog.

So he took his own dog and tied it to a fire hydrant. Then he phoned up the lady and said, “My friend spoke to me and gave me a description of your dog. The description seems to fit the dog that I have found. Again, I see it likes to talk like a human being. I can’t understand the diction, but it uses a human voice. Does your dog talk?”

The lady said, “Yes, yes!”

The man said, “I tied it to a fire hydrant on a leash. I will tell you the address and you can go and get it.”

The lady said, “I want to give you a gift or a reward. How can I give it to you if I just go to get the dog without seeing you?”

The man said, “You don’t have to give me any money. We are policemen. Our job is only to help anyone who needs help. We want only peace and happiness in this society. This is our job. We cannot accept any rewards.”

The lady was so excited. She called her husband on the phone to say a policeman had found the dog. At first the husband had doubts, but because the wife was so excited, he also believed it. He felt that perhaps the policeman had been telling the truth. So the lady, her husband and two of her grandchildren went to the spot. She was so excited and happy, but as soon as she saw the actual dog, she cried out, “O my God, this is not my dog!” and she fainted.

An unfortunate date

A boyfriend wanted to show off when he invited his girlfriend out for dinner. He said, “I am taking you to a fancy restaurant. A most delicious meal you will get tonight. Eat as much as you want; you don’t have to pay a cent.”

It happened that both the girlfriend and boyfriend were very fat. They went to a fancy restaurant and ate very expensive things. They also drank heavily. They took a very long time and the headwaiter paid special attention to them because they were wearing very expensive-looking clothes. For two hours they ate, and each one narrated to the other his whole life story.

Finally the bill came. The boyfriend rolled his eyes up. The girlfriend said, “You invited me.”

“Yes,” he agreed, “but did I ask you to eat so much?”

She said, “You told me that whatever I wanted, I could have.”

He said, “Then at least let us go half and half.”

The girlfriend said, “I didn’t bring any money with me.”

They started quarrelling and fighting. Finally the headwaiter said, “Let me see if I can reduce the price.” While he was checking the bill, he said, “I made a serious mistake.”

The boy and girl were so delighted to hear this.

The waiter continued, “I have charged you seven dollars too little by mistake. If my boss had seen this, he would have fired me!”

Already the bill was one hundred and ten dollars. When the waiter added another seven, it came to a hundred and seventeen dollars. Immediately the boyfriend fainted in his chair. Instead of decreasing, the bill had increased. The headwaiter went to get ice water and put it on the boy’s forehead. Then the headwaiter took the bill and, because nothing was free in that restaurant, added two dollars more for the ice water.

Since the boy was not getting up, the girlfriend said to the headwaiter, “I have to go home now to get some money. But don’t worry; I will come back, since he is my boyfriend.”

The girlfriend went home and brought the money to pay the bill. When she returned, the boyfriend came to his senses, and she gave the full amount to the headwaiter. This is how the boyfriend treated his girlfriend. After that their friendship didn’t last.

The vegetarian meal

There were several waitresses in a big restaurant. Many people were eating and the waitresses were very, very busy. A gentleman sat down to eat. He was a vegetarian. After looking at the menu he asked the waitress, “Do you have any vegetarian dishes?”

She answered, “Yes, we do have vegetarian food.”

So he ordered a vegetable salad, green peas and a few other things — all vegetables. It hardly came to three dollars’ worth.

The waitress was so brilliant; she was not bringing the order. If it had been a big order, she would have served the man sooner. But this small order was taking so much time. The man was getting annoyed. The people who ate meat were all getting their orders — even those who came into the restaurant after him. But his order was not coming.

Finally the man said, “All right,” and started reading the newspaper and enjoying himself. All of a sudden the waitress came and put the food on the table. The man was engrossed in something very interesting in the newspaper, and he didn’t notice the food. So the waitress came and said, “Previously you were insisting that I bring the food more quickly. Now why are you not eating?”

The man said, “I am so sorry.” The newspaper had been covering the food. When the man put down the newspaper, he saw that it was all meat. He started looking for his waitress, and with greatest difficulty he found her. He was mad. He said, “I told you to give me vegetables. Now you have given me meat. I never eat meat.”

The waitress said, “Please don’t shout. I will rectify it. Let me see my order pad and find where I made the mistake. Your table is number 42. Let me see what I have written down for table 42.”

On the page for table 42 she quickly wrote down all the meat items that she had brought him and said, “Look, these are the things you ordered.” She went to the manager and said, “This man first asked me for vegetarian food. Then all of a sudden he changed his mind and asked for meat dishes. I wrote them down. Now that I have brought the meat dishes, he has changed his mind and he is insisting on the first order.”

The customer got furious. He threw a twenty dollar bill on the table and left the restaurant.

The mushroom and the umbrella

An English lady went to Italy because she was interested in seeing the village life there. She stayed there for two months and then went back to England. Her friends were all excited to hear about Italy, and she told them all kinds of stories.

One day a friend said to her, “How did you manage in Italy? If you had gone to a city, people would have spoken English. But in an Italian village they don’t speak English. Did you have any difficulty with the language?”

The lady said, “No, I didn’t have any difficulty. Before I went, I took lessons for three weeks and I knew Italian quite well.”

The friend said, “It took you only three weeks? I have been studying Italian for seven years, and still I have not learnt it. What can you do? God gave some people brains and other people no brains. It is all God’s fault. That means they didn’t have any difficulty in understanding you.”

The lady said, “No, I didn’t say that. I didn’t have any difficulty in talking to them in Italian, but they were the ones who had difficulty. I talked to them in Italian fluently, but they didn’t understand me. It was their difficulty, not my difficulty. I didn’t have any difficulty in speaking Italian.

“One day I went to a small restaurant for breakfast and, in perfect Italian, I asked the waiter to give me a mushroom omelette. It was a sunny day, and I was sitting outside. Instead of bringing me a mushroom omelette, he brought me an onion omelette. I asked him why he brought me an onion omelette when I asked for a mushroom omelette, but he didn’t understand me. Since he didn’t understand me, I drew a very nice mushroom.

“So he said, ‘I am extremely sorry,’ and he went inside and brought out an umbrella. He started begging me for forgiveness because I had been in the sun for an hour. I drew a mushroom and he took it as an umbrella. What could I do? So I paid for the onion omelette, and I gave him a tip also because he was standing there with the umbrella. He was very happy to get the tip for providing me with shelter. ”

The two patients

One day a patient came to a very good, well-qualified doctor. The patient was full of anxieties and worries and said, “I am physically and mentally sick. I can’t eat anything, I can’t do anything. I am all the time sick, sick, sick.” The doctor examined him and gave him some medicine.

A few days later, the patient returned and said, “Doctor, your medicine didn’t help me at all. All my ailments have only increased.”

The doctor said, “What kind of ailments have increased? My medicine has no power?”

The man said, “I don’t know. All I know is that your medicine didn’t cure me.”

Finally the doctor said, “Can you tell me what is actually wrong with you?”

The man said, “You are the doctor. You don’t know?”

The doctor said, “I have examined you thoroughly, but it doesn’t seem that anything is wrong in your body.”

“Oh,” said the man, “that means there is something wrong in my mind.”

“Exactly,” said the doctor. “It is in your mind. What is wrong?”

The man confessed, “ In my mind I am full of worries because I owe my lawyer three hundred dollars. My lawyer is now going to sue me. As soon as I think of him, I get nervous. And when I see him, I get frightened. Now that he has threatened to sue me, I will have to give him three hundred dollars.”

The doctor said, “Forget about it. Think that you didn’t have a lawyer and you didn’t take any help from a lawyer. From now on be very happy that you didn’t need a lawyer and you didn’t use a lawyer for anything. As soon as the thought comes that you owe your lawyer money, simply think that it is all imagination. You didn’t have a lawyer, and you didn’t take any help from a lawyer.”

The man went home and convinced his mind that he hadn’t taken any help from a lawyer. Now he was absolutely in peace. He had no worries, no anxieties, no mental headaches. He was absolutely in perfect peace.

Two months later another patient came to the doctor. He was having all kinds of sicknesses. For two months he had had no sleep. He had had only worries and anxieties — physical, vital and mental. The doctor said, “Oh, I had a patient just like you. I gave him lots of medicine, but it didn’t work. So I told him how to give up all his worries and anxieties, and it worked. It will work in your case too.”

The patient said, “Tell me what happened, so that I can also give up my worries and anxieties.”

The doctor said, “I tell you, my advice works quite well. Not long ago a man came in with all kinds of worries and anxieties. I gave him medicine and nothing worked. Finally I said, ‘Tell me what is actually wrong with you. I don’t see anything wrong in your body.’

“He said, ‘I owe my lawyer three hundred dollars, and now he is bothering me all the time.’ So I told him to convince his mind that he didn’t owe his lawyer anything. Look, he listened to me. Now he is not at all worried. He does not think of his lawyer. He is at perfect peace.”

The second patient said, “Oh, he is at perfect peace. That’s why I am full of perfect worries. I am his lawyer. He won’t admit that he owes me the money. When he sees me, he has no fear. He feels that nothing is wrong. He discards my letters. He challenges me and tells me that he does not owe me anything. Then he bravely goes away. True, his worries have gone. They have all entered into me!”

The blackboard

Early one morning a priest went walking along the street. Quite far from his house he passed by a school that had a blackboard outside, with nothing written on it. It was used for writing down the scores of the children’s games. The priest was very happy to be there early in the morning. He said to himself, “Since I am a priest, a spiritual man, I must bless this school by writing something nice.”

He wrote down, “O God, in Your Name I am blessing this school and taking away all the sins from the students and the teachers.” Then he wrote down that he was a priest.

Half an hour later a doctor came and wrote down, “O Lord, in Your Name I am curing the sick priest.” And he wrote down that he was a doctor.

In a few hours a lawyer came and wrote, “O God, in Your Name I want to be just and put both the priest and the doctor in a mental asylum, because both of them think that they are indispensable. The priest thinks that he is indispensable because he can take away the sins of the students and the teachers. The doctor thinks that he has the capacity and wisdom to cure the priest, who is mentally sick.”

In half an hour a seeker came. He wrote, “O God, in Your Name I wish to give some aspiration to the priest, doctor and lawyer. If they had aspiration, then there would be no problem. If they had sincere aspiration, then they would not try to be the saviours of the world. One would not try to save the sinners. The other would not try to cure the patient and the third would not try to be the intermediary to teach them justice. So in Your Name, I wish to give them some aspiration, so they won’t remain so proud.”

In another half an hour a God-lover came and said, “O God, everyone wants to do something and give something. Each one, including the seeker, feels that he knows better than the others. They are praying to You because each one knows better than the others. In my case I know nothing and I don’t want to know anything, as long as I know that You love me and I love You. As long as I know You and You know me, then I don’t want to give anybody any advice and I don’t want to take advice from anyone. What do I know about others? And what do I have to know about others? You love me and I love You. That’s all. I don’t need anything else.”

The telegram

A businessman went out on a business trip for twelve days. His wife was miserable because she could not accompany him. He told her that he was not rich enough to bring her with him, but that he would bring her back a very nice present.

When his business was over, he was arguing with himself whether he should buy his wife a beautiful, expensive gift, or just tell her that he had wanted to buy something most beautiful and expensive, but that there was nothing available. In that way he could buy her something very cheap and inexpensive.

Then he thought that perhaps if he sent a telegram she would be very happy. If he called on the phone, she would cry and tell him all unhappy stories. It would be a long telephone conversation, and very expensive. The best thing would be to send a telegram. In a few words he would say everything.

So he went to the telegram office and told the clerk how to word the telegram: “Tomorrow I shall leave New Mexico for New York on the 9:00 flight and arrive at 3:30.” Then he said, “I love you, John.”

The clerk counted the words and said, “It will cost ten dollars.”

He said, “Ten dollars? I can’t afford to spend ten dollars for a telegram. Please take out some words. The message should be the same — that I am leaving at such a time — so that she will be able to meet me at the airport. But ‘I love you’ is unimportant, redundant. She knows that I love her. The best thing is to omit the phrase ‘I love you’.”

The clerk was a woman. She said, “The most important thing in the telegram you will omit? For a wife to get a short message — ‘I love you’ — from her husband is like Heaven. How can you omit that? No, you have to keep it. You can omit anything else.”

The man said, “The message I have to keep. All right, put the message first and then put ‘love’ and sign it. ‘I’ and ‘you’ we can omit. It is not necessary to say ‘I love you’.”

The clerk said, “It is no good if you say only ‘love’.”

The man said, “‘I’ and ‘you’ are understood.”

Several customers overheard the conversation. Some of the men took the man’s side. One of them said, “O God, what my wife does to me! How could I even think of writing that kind of thing? Never!”

The businessman said to the clerk, “Even now it is more than I want to spend.”

The clerk said, “You are such a useless husband. I shall pay for the word ‘love’.” She took out some money from her wallet and said, “I am a woman and a wife. I know if I didn’t get the message ‘I love you’ from my husband, I would feel miserable. The best thing is for me to pay for ‘I love you’.”

A colleague of hers, another woman, overheard the conversation and came over. She said, “To hear from my husband, ‘I love you’, is not enough. For me, he has to add that he misses me very much.”

The man said, “Yes, at my expense.”

Another man listening again took his side: “Women only know how to spend our money.”

The colleague said, “No, I shall pay for ‘I miss you very much’. You have to feel the heart of a woman. You husbands are so callous, so stone-hearted. You have no heart for your wives.” So the second one paid for “I miss you very much.” This is how the telegram was sent.

When the wife met the husband at the airport, she was so happy. She thanked her husband for sending her such a long telegram with such sweet words.

The husband said, “You see, I always tell you that I love you and miss you. You don’t believe me, but my telegram is the proof. I wanted to buy something very, very expensive, but that hopeless place I was in didn’t have anything expensive. So I bought you a beautiful mirror, because I always see in you a beautiful goddess. Now you can always look at the mirror and appreciate your beauty. That will give you joy.”

The husband's new clothes

A woman had been asking her husband to buy new clothes for himself. He was very miserly, so he would not buy them. Finally the wife said, “If you do not buy new clothes today, I am going to buy something for you which you have to wear.”

The husband said, “Your taste and my standard do not go together. We are not one in our selection. Your taste is very bizarre.”

The wife got mad and said, “Your taste is very poor. Only a beggar could wear the things that you buy for yourself.”

“ I am a beggar?” asked the husband. “So what is wrong with that? When you buy anything for me, it is extremely expensive and I don’t like it at all. It is so fancy that I don’t like it.”

The wife said, “All right, but today you have to buy something because there are many respectable people in your office. I don’t want you to continue going there in torn clothes.”

In the evening the husband returned from work without anything new. He said that he had to work late in the office, so he didn’t have a chance to go shopping.

The following day the wife went and bought him a pair of trousers and a long-sleeved shirt. She was so happy because she felt they were very beautiful. She planned to tell lies about the cost, saying that they were not so expensive, so her husband would not be mad at her. When the husband came back in the evening, the wife was so eager to show him her gifts. When the husband put on the long-sleeved shirt, he saw it was too long for him. The sleeves were even covering his fingers. He said, “It is too long for me.”

The wife said, “Don’t worry, don’t worry, it will be all right. You will grow taller. Once you grow taller, it will fit you.”

Then the husband said, “The neck is too tight.”

The wife told him, “If you wear it a few times, then automatically it will stretch. You neck is so powerful that each time you wear it, it will stretch.”

He said, “But the trousers are too big. They are so loose. What will I do with the trousers?”

“I have always told you,” said the wife, “to eat more. You are too thin, too skinny. If you eat more, then they will fit. So everything that I got you will fit. It is just a matter of time. Look how beautiful these things are!”

The villager's dream

One day a villager had a dream. In the dream he saw that the King had invited him to come to the palace and become the Prime Minister. The man was so excited about the dream that he told his friends, “I had such a lovely dream. Who can explain this dream?”

His friends said, “A dream is a dream. Why do you need any explanation? You are getting such joy from the dream. That is enough. We want only joy in life. So always think of the dream and you will be happy.”

But the villager insisted, “No, I need an explanation.”

One of his friends told him to go to a particular astrologer. He said, “This astrologer can explain everything about the dream. He is a dream specialist.”

The man went to the astrologer and said, “I had a dream that the King invited me to his palace and wanted me to be his Prime Minister. Can you tell me the meaning of this?”

The astrologer said, “I will definitely tell you the meaning of it. But first you tell me how many questions you will have to ask me before you will be convinced about the significance of the dream.”

The villager said, “Well, after two questions I hope to be convinced about the meaning of my dream.”

The astrologer said, “All right, start asking!”

The man said, “Will you tell me the meaning of my dream?”

The astrologer said, “Yes, I will.” Then he said, “Now, the first question is over. Give me five hundred dollars.”

The villager got mad and said, “You promised that in two questions you would be able to convince me about the meaning.”

The astrologer said, “If you ask me that kind of question, what can you expect? You should have asked, ‘What did the King mean when he asked me to be the Prime Minister?’ or ‘Is it true?’ But you asked a flat question, ‘Will you tell me the meaning of my dream?’”

The villager asked his second question: “Why did the King want me to come to his palace?”

The astrologer answered, “Because he knew that he had found the greatest fool in his kingdom.” Then he added, “Now I have answered your second question. Give me another five hundred dollars.”

The plane ride

A village lady was taking a plane journey for the first time. She was going to visit her sister who lived four hundred miles away. The lady wanted to impress her sister by traveling by plane. Then she would be able to show off that she had so much money that she could take a plane, and also she could tell her sister what the plane ride was like.

She arrived at the airport with all her baggage, and her son came to see her off. When she entered the plane, suddenly she was frightened to death to see so many seats and so many people. Immediately she grabbed a blanket and covered her head and started crying. A stewardess came up to her and said, “Excuse me, is everything all right? You shouldn’t have your head covered like that.”

The lady said, “I can sit anywhere I like; I have paid for this plane ride. I can sit anywhere and I can keep my eyes covered.”

The stewardess continued, “You can’t keep your head and face covered.”

The lady replied, “If you allow people to sleep on the plane, I can easily keep a blanket over my head.”

“No,” insisted the stewardess. “Still the plane has not taken off, and God knows when the plane will start. You will die of suffocation in two hours.”

The lady said, “I am going to my sister’s house, so I really don’t want to die. I want to see what is in the plane, because I have never been on a plane before. At the same time, I want to be able to brag to my sister that I am very rich. That’s why I am going by plane. But the problem is that I am frightened to death.”

The stewardess went to get the pilot. The pilot came and very politely said, “What are you doing? Here I have been flying for forty years. I assure you, nothing will happen. I have never had any accident.”

The lady said, “I don’t trust my husband, son or anybody. Why should I trust a stranger like you?”

The pilot said, “It is a hopeless case,” and he started going back to his seat.

The lady said to him, “Sir, I have something to tell you.”

He said, “What?”

She said, “I want to tell you that I must appreciate your wife.”

“My wife?” said the pilot.

“Yes, your wife,” said the lady. “The blanket that I am using is very nice, and it is quite clean. Like me, she believes in cleanliness. Therefore, I am appreciating her. I never thought that there would be someone as clean as I am. I always keep everything clean and tidy in my house. And the blanket that I am using to cover my face is very, very clean. Therefore, I am thanking your wife.

“Don’t worry about me. I do this kind of thing quite often at home. When my husband and son are not at home, I am frightened to death. I am always afraid that some burglars will come. So I always cover my face. The following day I am all right. In this case, it is a matter of two hours. So I will be able to fly safely with my head covered. I will tell my sister how beautiful things are, so she sees that I have been in a plane. This is a new world-inside a plane.”

The tax-deductible gift

One day an officer from the income tax bureau called up a church. The minister answered the phone. The officer said to him, “Is it true that Mr Alan Smith has given your church fifty thousand dollars in charity?”

The minister was shocked. “Who? Who?” he asked.

The officer repeated, “Mr Alan Smith.”

“And what are you asking about him?” said the minister.

“Has he given your church fifty thousand dollars?” the officer asked again.

The officer was checking up on Mr Smith to see if the fifty thousand dollars should have been deducted on his income tax. The minister felt that Mr Smith definitely had that much money. Otherwise, he would not have told the income tax people that he had made the donation.

The minister paused. Then he said, “He has not yet given it, but I am sure that soon he will give it. I am so happy that you have given me his name. You are after him to see if he has given us the money, and I will also be after him to make sure that he does indeed give us the money.”

The heart problem

A lady went to a doctor and told him, “My heart palpitates. I can’t climb up or even walk down stairs. I have children and grandchildren but I can’t do my housework properly, so I am miserable. I am very, very sick.”

The doctor said, “Tell me, do you drink?”

The lady said, “Oh, I never drink. I gave up drinking long ago.”

“Then do you smoke?” asked the doctor.

“Oh no,” said the lady. “Only on very rare occasions do I smoke.”

The doctor asked, “Is there anything that you do that might cause this? Do you drink tea?”

She said, “Oh no, no! Just on very rare occasions. Drinking I never do, and smoking and drinking tea and coffee I do only on very rare occasions.”

“Then do you drink Coke?” asked the doctor.

“Only rarely.”

“Do you drink diet soda?”

“Oh yes, that I drink occasionally, but not always, because I am not a diet fanatic.”

“What do you take every day? What is the thing that you like best?”

“Oh, I like french fries,” said the lady. “I eat lots of french fries.”

“Oh, I see,” said the doctor. “In that case, give up french fries. Then you will see that your heart will function well, and it will not palpitate any more. Whatever you like best, give up. Do you eat french fries every day?”

She said, “Oh no, I enjoy them very, very much, but of late my cook has not been coming, and I don’t cook anything myself because I have such a big family. So unfortunately I have not been able to have french fries.”

The doctor said, “You see, your problem is not actually a heart problem. It is a worry problem. You are very eager to have french fries every day. If you don’t get them, you become sad and mad. So, if you give up your greed for french fries, then your heart condition will end. There is nothing wrong with your heart. It is only worries. Give up french fries. Then you will be able to cure your heart.”

Editor's preface

In this group of amusing tales, adapted from traditional stories for children, a spiritual Master of the highest order offers an illumining perspective on some of the dreams, desires and foibles of the myriad characters that parade past our eyes on earth's cosmic stage.