Part I

Simplicity and stupidity

The Master was speaking to a few of his disciples on the birthday of one of their spiritual brothers whose name was Rabi.

"Here there are many who are jealous of Rabi. When they see him running in the street to come to me or to get something for me, they become jealous. But at the same time, if I ask them to do what he is doing, they won't do it. Some people become jealous because they are not given the opportunity to bring food for me or to beg for money from door to door. Again, some people become jealous even if someone does a bad thing, if he becomes infamous or notorious. If someone has become a thief of the first order, the other person does not want to become a thief, but he wants to get the name and fame that the thief has got. He wants everybody to know who he is. This is human life. People want to get name and fame in any way, even in a negative way. There are some disciples who don't want to take the trouble to work, but they want to get name and fame.

"Fortunately, Rabi is not of that type, but sometimes his stupidity digs a grave for me; then I have to come out of the grave. Now, spirituality is not stupidity. One of India's greatest scholars said that he could mix with many people, only he could not mix with one person in God's creation, and that was a fool. If you remain with a fool, then no matter how guarded you are, you will one day be totally ruined.

"So don't act like a stupid fellow, Rabi, but remain always simple. Spirituality is simplicity. Just because you try to please me, that doesn't mean that you can act like a really stupid fellow. People may forgive you, but they will not forget you. You have written in letters of gold in their hearts: 'Rabi is a first class fool.' Once it is registered in their brain that you are really a stupid fellow, then no matter what you do for them, even if you give your life for them, they will not get the same kind of joy. Stupid people should be kept at arm's length. So act like a simple man, not a stupid man.

"Sometimes you act in a stupid manner, Rabi, even while you are fully conscious of the fact that you are acting like a stupid person. You are trying to gain the sympathy of others by your stupidity, which is very bad. If your behaviour is a pretence to draw sympathy from others, if you do it intentionally, then you are acting like a rogue. As I said before, there are many things which they will forgive, but they won't forget. If they don't forget the incident, then what kind of forgiveness will they have? Where is forgiveness? Forgiveness is in total oblivion. If you remember an incident, then you do not forgive the person totally.

"Unfortunately, it happens sometimes that you know perfectly well that you are acting like a stupid fellow, because some people get a kind of innocent pleasure — or perhaps it is a malicious pleasure — by acting like a circus clown. When you enjoy this kind of action, then you are acting unconsciously like a rogue. When you treasure stupidity because others are making fun of you and getting joy, then you have to know that some part of your existence cherishes ignorance, which is undivine. You pretend that you do not know what you are doing. That amounts to a very bad quality.

"Here everybody is a culprit: we all have bad qualities. But in your case I am telling you your bad qualities frankly so that everybody can learn. Don't pretend; just prove to the world who you are. If you pretend to the world to be a fool, then the world will catch you and hate you. You don't want to be hated. Needless to say, I don't hate you and I shall never hate you; I shall only love you and love you."

Then the Master blessed his devoted disciple with all his heart's affection and love.

Part II — Opportunity and self-transcendence

The opportunity of youth

Please never think that you will be able to get rid of wrong forces and wrong movements as the years advance upon you. It is not true. If you don't conquer a wrong force, it will remain in you unless and until you have conquered it, no matter how old you are. The only thing is that the lower vital forces that we call undivine, may not remain on the same plane of consciousness as when you were fourteen or fifteen. For an adolescent, the forces are in the physical plane, but when you are seventy or eighty, they may remain on the mental plane. But if undivine, lower vital forces are on the mental plane, do not think that they are less formidable. It is just that they are in a different plane of consciousness. If you do not conquer them on whichever plane they are, you will be their constant victim.

There are many rooms in the house. The thief has stolen all the things from one room and now he is in another room stealing. You can never say that just because a seeker is old, he does not have the same wrong forces that you have: insecurity, lower vital problems, jealousy and so on. Age does not conquer them. Otherwise, everyone seventy or eighty years old would be on the verge of God-realisation. Do you think old people are all better than you young people? Your wrong forces remain in your restless vital; that is why you are caught. In their case, the same forces are there, but in the mental or subtle physical. If the seekers do not consciously conquer these forces, they have to take incarnation again and again to conquer them. If you enter into their mental plane, or any plane except the physical, you will see that the same wrong forces are there. They have them, only it is as if the forces were in another room. You have them in a room in which the windows and doors are open, so everybody sees them. But they have kept their doors and windows closed.

These forces cannot be conquered by the passage of years. The greatest opportunity to conquer wrong forces is when you are young. When you are young, you have a determined will. This determined will is in the subtle mind and strong vital. When the vital becomes weak with age, determination goes away. Subtle mental determination is more powerful than the vital, but when the vital is weak, the physical becomes weak and the mental determination cannot work in and through the vital.

There are some boys and girls who are not mentally strong, but because they have a dynamic vital, they make progress. So this is the time. Now, if anything is wrong in his mind or vital he will be able to conquer it. But when he is fifty or sixty years old, he will be finished. So dear ones, you are all young. Any obstacle you see in your nature try to conquer it now, because tomorrow it will not be so easy.

Failure and fear

What is a mistake after all? If we think that a mistake means something that is to be followed by punishment, then we are totally wrong. First of all, let us take it as a failure. What is failure? Failures are the pillars of success. Let us take failure as God's experience in us. God is constantly experiencing Himself in us and through us. At the same time, He is running and carrying us towards the ultimate Goal of perfect Perfection. Let us take mistakes as half truths. If we take them as something abominable and unpardonable, then they will never be rectified or shaped into truth. But if we consider mistakes as imperfect or infinitesimal truths, if we see in a mistake an iota of truth, only then can we feel that the mistake can be rectified and transformed into truth.

The very idea of considering a mistake as something shameful or unmentionable creates a wrong vibration. We should always identify ourselves with our largest part, with the all-covering, all-embracing part that includes the whole world, the entire humanity. At that time our so-called mistake is not a mistake. Then we feel that it is only an imperfection. It is a game of imperfection that we have played unconsciously but not deliberately. Instead, what we actually do is separate ourselves from the mistake as if it were something dirty, obscene and so ugly that we cannot touch it. With this approach we will never make progress. Instead, let us take the mistake as a lump of clay. This lump of clay can easily be shaped, moulded or beaten into a different form. Then, if we have wisdom enough, light enough, we can use that form for various purposes.

Instead of taking each mistake as a curse, we can take it as a blessing. First of all, we should not commit any mistakes consciously and deliberately. But if a mistake takes place in our inner nature, in our vital nature, in our physical nature, in our outer mind or physical mind, then immediately we should be ready to confess it to ourselves and to God, because confession is our immediate emancipation. Otherwise, we shall grow into a mountain of mistakes. The moment we have the courage to confess our mistake, God's adamantine Protection runs towards us. His Protection shelters us. His Protection immediately becomes our haven.

Why do we find it so difficult to confess our mistakes? The immediate answer is fear. What is fear? Fear is something that constantly binds us. Fear is something that constantly tells us that we are entirely different or separate from others, that our existence is only for ourselves. Fear is something that does not allow us to enter into our infinite freedom.

When fear enters the physical mind, we immediately cry for protection. But this physical fear is not the only kind of fear; there are other types as well. Physical fear cannot be conquered until mental fear is conquered. Mental fear cannot be conquered until psychic fear is conquered. If one has fear in the heart or in the vital, then he has to overcome this fear or transform this fear into strength with the soul's light. Otherwise, fear, which is man's worst enemy, will kill the victim like slow poison.

Why do we fear? We fear because we have separated ourselves from God's Love aspect. We are apt to try to approach God the Omnipotent, rather than God the all-Love. But it is not the omnipotent God who is standing with an iron rod, in our imagination, to threaten or strike us whenever we commit a mistake. Our conception of God is so peculiar. It is this wrong conception of God that is the source of our fear. We feel that if we deviate just an inch from the path of truth, then God, who is like a primary school teacher, is ready to beat us black and blue. But that kind of God is no God. There is no such God as God the tyrant. There is only one God, and this God is God the Love. This God does not punish us. He knows that it is He who is the Doer, it is He who is the Action and it is He who is the Enjoyer, both as the Action and the Doer. He is acting through each one of us, constantly shaping us in His own Way. But we feel that His only act will be to punish us for our wrong actions.

It is God's Dream that each individual embodies. It is God's Reality that each individual has to manifest here on earth. In each human being, God's Reality and God's Dream are looming large. God cannot be separated from His Vision and Reality. Similarly, man's existence can never be separated from God's Love. It is in God's Love aspect that He reigns supreme here on earth. Let us try to grow in God's Love and we shall see that there is no fear, no failure, no punishment, no confession necessary. In God's Love our life on earth is all joy, all achievement and all fulfilment.

Question: What is the easiest way to overcome imperfection in ourselves?

Sri Chinmoy: It is through full, absolute faith in the Master. You will try your best. Then, after trying, you have to surrender. But your surrender will not be tamasic surrender, the surrender of a lazy, idle person. You will do your utmost and you will say, "I have used the capacity that You gave me, O Lord Supreme. I am leaving the rest to You." When you think of imperfection, you should always think of the child and the mother. The child is wallowing in the pleasures of ignorance, but he knows that his mother is always available to lift him up. It is a matter of a minute. If the child had to climb up by himself, he would not be able to climb. He does not have the capacity to find his soul by himself. But he knows that there is someone who is more than willing to help him. He has implicit faith in his mother. He knows how much he loves his mother and how much his mother loves him. Because his mother has claimed him as her very own and he has claimed her as his very own, on the strength of this oneness, he knows that his mother will do everything for him gladly.

When you think of me, you have to feel that you are of me and for me, and that I am of you and for you. Otherwise, if you want to attain perfection on your own, it will be like trying to straighten the tail of a dog for good. As long as you hold the dog's tail it is straight, but the moment you release it, it again becomes crooked. Human nature is like a dog's tail. Only when you have attained spiritual perfection will you be able to keep it straight. Otherwise, you will only hold it for five minutes; then you will become tired and release it, and it will become crooked again. Human nature is like that. But the Master can straighten it for you if you have established your oneness with him, because he loves you.

The child knows that he has established his oneness with the mother. He knows his source, and he runs to the source. This source has infinite capacity to transform, illumine and perfect him. The child does not maintain his own individuality or personality. His individual personality is given to his mother. He runs towards the mother and says, "Take what I have and what I am. What I am is ignorance alone, and what I have is all sand, mud and filth. I will give it up."

Similarly, the disciple feels that his source is the Master. Inside the Master is the Supreme. Now, it is absolutely true that it is only the Supreme in the Master and the Supreme in the seeker who can change human nature. Otherwise, it is simply impossible. But why should the Supreme do it? Why should the Master do it? It is because we have established our oneness with the Supreme in the Master. We are of him and for him, and he is in us and for us. If we establish that kind of oneness with the Master, then he will do everything for us. If we have not established that kind of oneness with him, and if he himself has not established oneness with us, then he has no obligation to purify us, and we will be under no obligation to accept him or to take his help.

Both the Master and the disciple need an inner bond. The Master expects aspiration from the disciple. The disciple expects liberation from the Master. But right from the beginning the disciple has to feel that what he has and what he is is nothing but descending grace. He should feel that only if he is enjoying his Master's grace, is his life meaningful. It is the divine in us, the Supreme in us, the real Reality in us, that can perfect and transform our nature. Otherwise, no matter how hard we try, we may be able to survive for ten days with the greatest difficulty. Then on the eleventh day we will again be attacked by a hostile force.

You have to allow the Master to hold you. I always tell about the father who stands on the edge of a pool with his eldest son and youngest son. The eldest one is holding the hand of his father, whereas the youngest one is being held by his father's hand. Then they look up and see a beautiful kite flying. The eldest brother is fascinated, and he claps his hands and loses his balance and falls into the pool. The youngest son is also thrilled, but since his father is holding his hand, he cannot let go. So the youngest son enjoys the kite, but does not fall into the pool.

When you allow the Master to hold you, you are safe. He is stronger than you. He will hold you so that no temptation can overcome you. But if you try to hold him, then the world of temptation may create problems and literally destroy you. So you should allow the Master to hold you. Only when the Master takes full responsibility for your life does God-realisation become possible. The disciple must always take the Master in that way. He has to feel that his Master will do everything for him, and that once his Master holds him, all his fear, doubt, anxiety, insecurity and all undivine qualities will go away. But first he has to feel that the Master is ready, more than ready, to help him out. Why will he do it? Because he has established an inner connection with the Master.

Question: What is the proper role of individuality in surrender?

Sri Chinmoy: The disciples should have no real individuality, if by individuality we mean the fragmented individuality of the mind. But there is another individuality, which encompasses the entire universe. Christ said, "I and my Father are one." This individuality, which is universality, is welcome.

Although a soldier on a mission may be separated from the entire troop, he is for the troop. That is all right. As long as there is oneness with the higher reality, then individuality is fruitful of illumination and immortal love. But the individuality that you refer to is human individuality. It is separated from the reality, separated from the Source. It is like Julius Caesar's declaration, "I came, I saw, I conquered." That individuality must not remain, even in infinitesimal measure, in the disciple's consciousness. But divine individuality, which is universality, should be cultivated.

Question: Is there anything we can do in order to rid ourselves of our ego?

Sri Chinmoy: There are two types of ego. One ego says that you are an individual: you belong to a particular family, to your parents and your brothers. This ego starts in an ordinary human way, with the family. Then it goes to the village, then to the city, then to the province, then to the country. Gradually, gradually it may come to the point where you feel that you belong to the whole world. But it is a very slow, uncertain progress. It may take twenty years for you to feel that your city is your own. This ego usually comes up to the love of country, and then it stops. It has played its role. At the age of seventy or eighty you leave the body, and in your next incarnation again you start with the human ego.

There is another ego which in spiritual terms we shall call the divinised feeling of universal oneness. If you want to use the ordinary term on the physical plane, then you can call it ego, but actually it is the divinised feeling of oneness with the universal Consciousness. That ego will immediately tell you that you are God's child, God's son or God's daughter, so how can you say anything undivine, how can you do anything undivine? At every moment it will tell you: "Do this, don't do that." Always it will make you think and act in a divine way.

We are using the term ego, but the divine ego is totally different from the human ego. It is the feeling of oneness with the universal Consciousness. When the Christ said, "I and my Father are one," this was his divine ego. Now, why can we not also say this? It is just because we know what we are; therefore, we are afraid of saying it. We say, "Oh, Christ was great. We can't deny his greatness. But he was God's son." Now, you have to know that you are also God's son or God's daughter. The Christ felt this truth; he realised it. Then he said it. In your spiritual life you also have to feel, and everybody has to feel, that he is God's chosen instrument. If you feel that you are God's chosen instrument, and try to live up to that honour, then you can have no undivine ego. You have to feel it inwardly, and in your actions you have to convey it.

When your hand does something, your eye appreciates it. Suppose you are an artist and you have painted something most beautiful. Your eye is appreciative at that time. The eye will not say, "I didn't paint it. Let me give credit to the hand, since the hand has done it." No, the eye feels its oneness with the rest of the being, so it will say, "I have done it, so let me appreciate my capacity." The eye feels that the hand is part and parcel of the same body, although it is a totally different organ, so when the hand does something, the eye feels that the hand's achievement is its own achievement. In that way they become totally one. So when somebody else does something, if you feel that that particular person is a part of your own being, then where is the ego? The divine ego will appreciate everyone's achievements and feel that it has achieved those very things, just because of its oneness. While appreciating the beauty that the hand has created, the eye will never feel, "Oh, I couldn't do it; the hand has done it." Again, sometimes the eye does something first. The eye will see something very beautiful, let us say a flower. The eye sees it; the hand does not see it. But the next moment, the hand goes and picks the flower. The hand will not say, "The eye saw it first. I don't want to pluck it because I didn't see it first. It is beneath my dignity to pick that flower, since I did not see it first." No, the hand will just go and pick the flower. In this way, each one will play his part in the game. When the hand has done something, the eye appreciates it. The creation of the hand remains incomplete unless and until it has been appreciated by the eye. Again, when the eye sees the beauty in something, if you want to have that thing on the physical plane as your own possession, then the hand has to get it for the eye and for the entire being.

So, when somebody else does something, please feel that it is you who have done it. This is not wrong at all. You are not fooling yourself. You will think, "Oh, I have not done it. My name is not so-and-so." But in the universal Consciousness, where there is only one existence, and that is the infinite "I", your name is not Rabi and my name is not Chinmoy. There is only one "I", the all-pervading "I". So when I achieve something, you can easily and most legitimately claim that you have done it on the strength of your oneness with me. When you do something, I do claim it. Believe me, my disciples do accomplish many things on the physical plane, and immediately I feel that it is I who have done it. There are so many things that are done at the Centre when the boys and girls work. They do physical labour and they accomplish much. At that time I do give them credit. I appreciate them, I thank them and I offer them my gratitude. But in my inner being I feel immediately that it is I who have done it, an extended part of my consciousness. You are my spiritual children, so naturally, whatever my children have done is my achievement as well.

Again, on the spiritual level, when I bring down Peace, Light and Bliss from above, you have every right to feel that it is with your conscious effort, your conscious aspiration, that I am able to bring it down. It is not true that you have nothing to do with it. If you can feel that when I do something, you have done it, then I will give you all the credit because you have discovered this truth. When you people do something on the physical plane, I appreciate and admire it, but actually I feel that it is an extended part of my consciousness that has done it. It is the expansion of my consciousness, the enlarged part of my being that has done it. You also should have the same feeling.

Always think of your enlarged existence; you are constantly expanding, expanding, expanding yourself. Like a bird, you are spreading your wings. In that way, how can there be any ego? Ego comes from separativity, from the separation of "you" and "I". But when I do something, if you yourself can claim it, this is absolutely the right approach. Feel that you have done it. When you do something and I can claim that I have done it in and through you, then where is the undivine ego?

Part III — Anxiety and emotions

Question: Sometimes I think that I am not close to you, and I feel lost. What does it mean?

Sri Chinmoy: It is one thing to sincerely cry for me, but another thing to say that all is totally lost without me. Why should you feel lost? God is everywhere. But one thing that I cannot convince my disciples of, and I suffer so much because of it, is that I love them infinitely more than they love themselves. They do not believe it, and it seems that they will never believe it. They think that they are constantly thinking of themselves and taking care of their lives, whereas I am talking to somebody else here and there, so how can I love them more than they love themselves?

As long as someone feels that he has more concern, care and love for himself then I have for him, then that person cannot become really close to me inwardly, because that person is not seeing me or feeling me in a divine way. If I ask you every day whether or not you had a good breakfast, that is not an expression of divine concern. The Supreme's way of loving you, the real way of loving you, is infinitely more significant than this. Your capacity to love yourself is like one dollar. Whereas my capacity to love you is like a million dollars. Naturally, if I want to use it, I can.

The sun is shining for everyone, but you have to open the window to let it come in. If you open the window, the sun can enter; if you don't open it, the sun has to stay outside. Similarly, Grace is for everyone if they will only allow it to come in. Occultly and spiritually I am not limited by the body: I am everywhere. I have many powerful inner beings, and if I am not consciously doing something for you, then they are doing the needful. On the physical plane my soul's duty is to convince your mind of what I am inwardly doing. Your mind does not want to listen to your soul, it does not want to surrender to your soul. But all souls surrender to me, no matter how bad the individual disciples are.

At two o'clock every morning, even though my physical body may be tired, I begin feeding your souls. In one minute I am able to feed many, many souls. This one minute is different from human time. In human time, in one minute I will not be able to feed even one person. Yesterday I was speaking to a disciple on the phone and feeding his soul. At the same time, I was feeding his wife's soul. Even though she was in school, her soul was feeling it. This is because she has tremendous connection with her husband's soul.

When I concentrate on the disciples' souls, most of the time they come to me. But the soul need not come to me; sometimes I go to them. But when I concentrate on the Centres, I bring all the souls together. I don't go there; they just come to me. This is done in a second; not even a second it may take. I do have the capacity to do this. Thousands and millions of times I have done it.

Question: I have an enemy named anxiety. When I run 400 metres, I know I can do it, but when I think of it, my vital starts running like a motor, and I'm full of anxiety. I don't know if it's from a sense of competition, but it's the thought of being exhausted. It's a baseless fear.

Sri Chinmoy: You have run 400 metres many, many times. You know that you have run so many times and you are still alive, even though you became exhausted. The 400 metres is most difficult because it demands both stamina and speed. In most running, you need either speed or stamina. For long distance you need stamina and for short distance you need speed. But the 400 metres demands both stamina and speed. It is a most difficult race. But since you have run it many, many times, you know that you are not going to die. The difficulty in your case, is not actually fear of exhaustion, but a subtle fear that you may not be first. That creates anxiety. You do not actually worry that after 400 metres you are going to collapse and die. That fear would be absolutely baseless. But the real fear is that someone is going to beat you.

You have to have the feeling that even if somebody else comes in first, you will do your best. "I will do my best. Who cares what others do?" If you have that feeling, then there can be no anxiety. You have to learn the difference between anxiety and alertness. Anxiety and alertness are two different dynamic energies. When the starter is about to fire the gun, you have to be very alert. You cannot say, "If he comes in first and I come in last, no harm." No, let him do his best and you also do your best, your utmost.

In India I once saw a race among several men over the age of 65. Two of the runners had such stupid false modesty that when the starter fired the gun they did not start. The starter said to one of the two men, "What are you doing?" The man said, "He has not yet started, so how can I start? It is not polite." He wanted to be such a perfect gentleman that he did not want to take any advantage. Is this not stupidity? When the starter says: "Go!" at that time it is for both of them. But this fellow looked to the side and, just because his friend had not started, he said, "How can I start now?" Everybody laughed and laughed while they were running. Naturally one of them was a better runner, but he did not want to stand first. He wanted to stay with the one that was lagging behind, so they ran side by side right to the finish line. Is it not the height of stupidity?

We want to see your capacity. You show your capacity. Whether you are going to come in first or last is for God to decide. You cannot say that you will not show your capacity just because somebody else will not be able to run as fast as you or will be able to run faster. When you are about to run 400 metres, you should always feel that you are going to run alone. Feel that you are the only runner, and you will run at your fastest speed. Before a race do not think of others; think only of yourself. Then there can be no anxiety.

Question: Could you speak about the transformation of the disciples' emotional life?

Sri Chinmoy: Every day, early in the morning, I concentrate on each of my dedicated and devoted disciples. Those who are my true disciples are fully aware of the fact, but I am sorry to say that a few of you disappoint me mercilessly with your emotional and other problems. So I ask you, for your sake, for my sake, for the Supreme's sake, please try to purify your vital world. I will become most divinely proud of each of my spiritual children. My disciples have to become very sincere, dedicated and responsible in their emotional lives as well as in their spiritual lives. I am not scolding you, but if the emotional life is not transformed, then the spiritual life, the true divine life, will only be a kind of self-deception. There can be no God-realisation.

Emotion itself is not bad; it is how you use emotion. Emotion has to be transformed into divine emotion. If you are using it for self-indulgence, then you will ruin your aspiration. But if you use it for your liberation and self-illumination, then emotion is your strongest power.

Let us use our emotion for liberation, for self-illumination. Let us fully purify our vital world. If the vital is dirty, then in the spiritual world we act like a mad elephant. A mad elephant will never reach the goal; it will only run from this side to that. I am trying my utmost to please you in your inner life, so I would be most grateful if you could try also to please me in the inner life, especially in the vital world.

Question: Guru, one might decide to accept the inner life, but then it seems so difficult because sooner or later one learns that it is really hard to control certain things.

Sri Chinmoy: The inner life is difficult only when one wants to fulfil the outer life first and the inner life last. One has to fulfil the inner life first, or take both the inner life and the outer life together with the feeling that if the inner life is fed, then the outer life will automatically be nourished. We have to see how sincerely we have entered into the inner life. Sometimes we enter into the inner life out of temptation. As people enter into the outer life to fulfil their temptation, so also people practise the inner life for a few days or a few months. Then after they have tried, they feel that the inner life will not fulfil their temptation. The worldly life is better for that. We have to know how sincerely we have taken to the inner life.

Question: What is the best way to find good spiritual qualities that have become lost?

Sri Chinmoy: When you lose something, you have to search for it in the right place. You have lost something, so try to remember where you have lost it. Have you lost it in the living room, the bedroom, the porch, or somewhere else? if you remember where you have lost it, then it will be easier for you to get it back.

We each have several rooms which we call the body-room, vital-room, mind-room, heart-room and soul-room. Let us say that you have lost a particular quality inside the heart-room. Since you feel you have lost something in the heart-room, please try to search for it in that particular room. You have to feel that you are searching for it at every moment. But while you are searching, do not cherish depression or a sense of loss. You have to feel that what you have lost is only misplaced, and that it is definitely there. If you feel that something has been stolen from inside the heart-room, then you will never find it. If something is stolen, how can you find it again? But if you feel that it is definitely there, that you have only misplaced it, then your search will eventually be fruitful. Today you may not find it. Tomorrow if you search for it again, again you may not find it. But the day after tomorrow you will definitely find it, as long as you know where you have misplaced it.

If you feel that you have misplaced your heart inside your vital, or misplaced your vital inside your hesitating mind, then again you have to go and search for them in the proper place. Sometimes you may lose your heart inside the doubting or intellectual mind. This doubting, sophisticated and intellectual mind very nicely grabs your heart and possesses it. Then you are totally devoured by the mind. If you have lost your heart in your mind, then go there and bring it back. If you have lost it in the emotional world, the lower vital world, then from there you have to bring it back. But if it is lost because you have not used it so you have forgotten where it is, then you will not find it so easily. You have to know whether you have lost it for this reason or whether some other member of your family, such as the mind or the vital, has grabbed it.

Part IV

Love or indifference

From the beginning Mother Earth tries to nurse all her children with love. A particular child may be very indifferent. He may grab everything from Mother Earth and pay no attention to her love. Then she tries with devotion. Mother Earth constantly shows her concern and devoted qualities to her son, but the son remains absolutely indifferent. He takes everything from Mother Earth and still he remains silent. Then Mother Earth goes one step further and surrenders to his whimsical will. There is no rhyme or reason to the individual human will, but Mother Earth does not mind. Even then she wants to surrender her will to her child.

If her son still remains indifferent, eventually she nurses grievances. She says, "I have surrendered to you, I have given you everything, but even now you are not paying any attention to me. There is no response from you." Then she feels miserable. Everything that she could do for her son on earth, she has done. She has offered her utmost capacity. But each time she has tried to get some response from the human being, she has totally failed.

Finally she says, "All right, since you are such a great man, let me also play the role of indifference. I have done everything, far beyond your imagination, to please you, to make you feel that I am yours and you are mine, but you have paid no attention to me. You have been showing indifference to me. I can also do the same to you!" Then Mother Earth withdraws her affection, love and concern from that individual being. Immediately the person misses all the love, devotion and surrender he had been receiving. He misses all the divine qualities that used to give him joy. When one is no longer getting something, then one begins to value it. For example, when spiritual Masters live on earth, people mock them, or worse. Then afterwards, when the Masters leave the body, people immortalise them.

There comes a time when the Master has to show his divine authority. In the beginning he tries with love, devotion and surrender. But there comes a time when he has to use divine force. This is the only way he can conquer ignorance. Love is the highest force, true; but when we deal with the human mind, a so-called outer force is sometimes necessary. Love and force complete God's game.

In this case, indifference is the force. Mother Earth showed her love, devotion and surrender, but the indifference-force of the ungrateful human being was more powerful than the love-power that Mother Earth was offering. Then Mother Earth said, "All right, let me use the same power. If you are using a hand bomb, then I will use an atom bomb. I tried the love bomb, but it was not powerful enough. Now I will try another type of bomb."

When Mother Earth uses the same indifference-force, the person feels that his days are numbered. When the human being sees that Mother Earth is offering her indifference, then he comes to his senses. He touches her feet; he becomes her slave. He realises that if Mother Earth does not care for him, then he will never be able to realise God. If she withdraws, then all his divine qualities will go away from him. And if he does not use these qualities, if he does not value them and offer them to God, then Mother Earth will just show her indifference. In this way the person comes to realise that if he does not offer gratitude, if he is not pleased with what Mother Earth is doing for him, then he will be totally lost.

Part V — Joy and sorrow

Question: Most of our life, the finite life that we can see and feel, is usually surrounded by joy and suffering. Can we have a life of joy, or do we have to suffer, do we have to constantly sacrifice?

Sri Chinmoy: Sacrifice is a very vague word. When we use this word in the human sense, we feel that we are giving away something, and in return we are getting nothing. This is the human approach. If we give our precious time, our precious money, our precious capacity, and in return we do not get anything, then we feel that we have sacrificed. But if we live in a deeper and higher consciousness, we will see that there is no such thing as sacrifice. What we call "sacrifice" is only the outer expression of our universal oneness with another human being or with the rest of the world. When we feel our universal oneness with the entire world, then there is no such thing as sacrifice.

Suffering has not to be accepted as something divine and necessary in order to realise God. It is not true. If suffering comes to us, then we have to accept it. True, it can play the part of purification; it can purify our mind, our vital emotions and our psychic feelings. But it is wrong to feel that by deliberately accepting suffering we will be able to realise the Highest sooner. It is not through suffering, but through spontaneous delight that we shall get that realisation. Again, we have to know the difference between earthly pleasure and divine delight or joy. Pleasure is something that we get from the senses, by satisfying the senses, whereas joy or delight springs from a deeper source within us, and permeates our entire consciousness. Pleasure is something that eventually will lead us to destruction. Delight is something that will take us eventually to our Source.

In Sanskrit we have two terms: shreya and preya. The first is pleasure and the second is joy or good. If we sincerely care for good, then the life of pleasure has to leave us, because there is no goodness in it. It is something that wants to negate all our spiritual discipline.

Question: Can desire ever be a positive force?

Sri Chinmoy: Before one accepts the life of aspiration, desire is good. In the beginning a person must have desire if he is going to make any progress at all. His desires will give him some dynamism. If he does not have any desires or any aspiration, then he will not budge an inch. He will be like a solid stone, making no progress at all. If he has desires, eventually he will find that there is no end to his desires, and no abiding satisfaction or fulfilment in them. Then he will try the world of aspiration. In the world of aspiration he will see that peace, light, bliss, power and all the divine qualities are ready to satisfy him both in his inner life and in his outer life.

In the outer life when we go through desire, it destroys us. We have to free ourselves from the fetters of ignorance. How? Through aspiration. When we have aspiration, we can free ourselves from bondage. When we feel this supreme necessity, then automatically desire begins to give place to aspiration. But when we think of giving up desire, we have to be careful not to misunderstand the concept of renunciation. What are we going to renounce? Not a person, not the world, but that which is disturbing us and not allowing us to grow into light and perfection. That thing is ignorance. We have to renounce ignorance, not our so-called desires. Outer desire is just a product of our ignorance. If we can put an end to ignorance, then we shall see that desire does not exist in us any more. At that time Peace, Light and Bliss from above will shower down on us.

Question: Why is it that when everything is going well, instead of being happy and really aspiring, I feel restless and uneasy? I almost don't trust the good things.

Sri Chinmoy: My dearest son, you have to believe in the Supreme's Grace and Compassion. Suppose I am the goal, which I am not. If you come to me from your place without any effort because I have offered you my care and you can go at top speed, then you will feel that you have done nothing. You have exerted no personal effort, so you will not be happy. But if you first cut off your legs and your arms, and then you come to me, you will say, "In spite of this handicap I have reached the goal." Then you will be happy in your own way.

But ours is the sunlit path. I have made a short cut for you people. The difficulty is that when the Grace operates in and through you, you don't realise it. Sometimes Grace does not care for your personal effort. If someone is pleased with you, he may give you something that you want immediately, without your having to ask for it at all. Let us say that you are thirsty and I have water. The natural thing is for you to come to me for the water, but I can also come to you with the water and give it to you. Sri Ramakrishna used to say, "If you are thirsty, then you have to go to the pond; the pond won't come to you." This is one theory. But mine is the theory of the mother and the child. If a child is hungry, then the mother will come running from wherever she is to feed the child. You are unhappy because you feel that you have done nothing to deserve what you are getting. But you have done something in the inner world; otherwise my compassion and the Supreme's Compassion would not have come towards you.

When you are happy, the hostile forces come and say, "What have you done to de serve it?" But I assure you, in the inner world you have done something. You have aspired, let us say unconsciously, but the hostile forces do not want to allow you to maintain your happiness. By hook or by crook they will try to destroy it. The mind will supply you with all kinds of wrong ideas. When Grace operates, it operates unconditionally, true. But in the inner world you have also done something to please the Supreme, and that is why the Supreme has granted you this happiness. At that time try to be grateful; do not take it as an illusion. When Grace flows, you do not have to think about your personal effort; you do not have to prove how hard you have worked. If there is a short cut, why have you to go in a roundabout way to the goal? It is unnecessary. So when you are happy, be grateful to the Supreme and feel also that this happiness is not something undeserved.

Question: When I'm in the country, I'm very happy. I meditate on scenic forests, taking in the view of flowers and trees. But when I'm not there, I don't get the same joy. Why is that?

Sri Chinmoy: When you are in the country, when you look at a tree, when you look at the flowers and blossoms and foliage, you get joy, tremendous joy. But when you come back to the city, you do not get any joy. First of all, you have to know that the country is all nature. There, everything tries to be pure, outwardly purer than in the city. In the city there are all kinds of pollution. Air pollution, water pollution and all kinds of unfortunate things you hear about in the city, whereas the country is not like that. There nature is welcoming your aspiration. The city does not welcome your aspiration. The city consciousness right now is trying to possess you, to possess others, to possess everything. The country consciousness is different. The country wants only to offer what it has. It does not want to possess you. That is why you get more joy from the country than from the city.

Question: Is there any way to prevent bad thoughts from attacking us when we want to send happiness to someone else?

Sri Chinmoy: First of all, you have to know to whom you are offering good thoughts. It is true that you should offer good thoughts to everyone in a general way. Early in the morning or in the evening you can offer your divine love to the world at large in your silent meditation. When you enter into the spiritual life, you should offer divine love to everyone, not just to a particular individual. It should not be directed towards one person in order to conquer him.

Sometimes you may offer love to an individual with the idea that it is divine love, but you have no idea whether you are offering divine love or just vital and emotional love. If it is undivine love, then the situation becomes worse. Your undivine love will fight with his undivine love. And even if it is divine love that you are offering, perhaps that particular individual does not want or need or care for your love. So he is the wrong person for you to concentrate on. It will be a serious mistake for you to offer your love to him, because he may not want your divine love at this moment. It is like asking someone who is fast asleep to get up. He will say, "Leave me alone. It is time for me to sleep, and I will sleep as long as I want to. I do not want you."

If you feel that somebody is offering you undivine love and that you have to offer divine love in order to conquer him, then that is also a mistake. Offer your divine love to the Supreme in everybody. When you offer it to an individual, you will have problems, because it is like asking someone to do something untimely. You will give something and you will expect something in return. But if you expect something in return, you will be frustrated. So the best thing right now is to offer divine love to everybody.

Question: Is it true that for everything positive there is something negative?

Sri Chinmoy: Why do we have to take everything as positive and negative? We can take them as counterparts. Everything has different forms, shapes or consciousness on different planes, but we do not have to call them positive and negative. Only we see that fulfilment is coming through them in different ways. The One is becoming many; it is enjoying itself in infinite forms. In anything that has come from the One and is trying to complete the One in a very high, spiritual, illumined way, there will be two aspects of the Reality: the unmanifested aspect and the revealed and manifested aspect. The one that we can see is the reality being manifested, and the one that we cannot see is the unmanifested reality.

We can say that in some cases the one that comes out for manifestation is a negative, hostile aspect, and the one that does not come out is divine. But both things are really only one reality that is fulfilling itself in different ways. The reality that is coming forward we can call night, and the reality that is remaining behind we can call day, but they are both part and parcel of the selfsame reality. We call them positive and negative when we deal with separativity, but actually the so-called night and the so-called day both exist inside each other.

Part VI

Doubt and identification

We are all wise people. Now let us properly exercise our wisdom. We have to know what we are getting from doubt. From doubt we are getting nothing; we are only kicking ourselves. If somebody has done something great, then with our doubt we try to destroy him. Just because we are wanting in oneness, we doubt him. In the outer world we have not reached the goal that he has reached, but in the inner world we have the capacity to identify ourselves with him. The moment we identify ourselves, we feel that it is we who have reached that goal. The same is also true in the inner world. There also we can identify with others' achievements.

If we have achieved something in the outer world, others can see what we have done, but they doubt it. Why? They doubt it because they are also lacking in oneness. In the inner world they also have the strength and capacity to identify themselves with others, but right now, outwardly they are doubting and inwardly they are doubting. Everyone is doing the same thing.

Now let us look from the point of view of God. Let us try to enter into God, who is all Love, all Joy, all Peace, all Bliss. He is all divine qualities. By doubting Him, who is the possessor of all divine qualities, do we gain anything? You will say, "Unless and until I have seen God, felt God, why should I not doubt Him? I have not seen Him, I have not felt Him, and I can say that you have not seen Him or felt Him, since you have not been able to show Him to me." But whether you doubt it or not, there are people on earth who have seen God's Light or felt God's Light because of their receptivity, and you also can do the same.

If a child who is in kindergarten doubts the student who is completing his Master's degree, then who is the loser? The one who is getting his Master's degree will still get it. He will complete his course. But the little one who is doubting will not gain anything. If we are wise enough, then we will become totally one with the person who is getting his Master's degree. We can identify with him to such an extent that we can say, "I got my Master's degree."

When one enters into the spiritual life, doubt often comes. But if that person, with his iota of aspiration, identifies with someone who is advanced in the spiritual life, then immediately, on the strength of his oneness with the aspiration of the person who is much more developed, he gets tremendous confidence in his life. He feels that he has an elder brother who can help him and inspire him. A spiritual Master is like an elder brother. He shows the way. He has crossed the ignorance-sea and reached the goal, but he comes back to save his younger brothers.

When we doubt God, we don't gain anything and God does not lose anything. But when we doubt ourselves, when we think that we do not have any divine qualities, we really lose. So I tell you, if you want to doubt, then doubt God; do not doubt yourself. If you have to doubt, then doubt God. God, with His infinite Compassion, will forgive you. But when you start doubting yourself, you become the real loser. All your good qualities you can lose just by doubting yourself. I can doubt God at every second, and He will not lose an iota of His Divinity. But the moment I start doubting myself, if I have even a little love or a little joy, I lose all my capacities and all my possibilities.

So first of all, it is best not to doubt anybody, including God and yourself. But if you are helpless and you have to make a choice, then it is better to doubt God. He will show you Compassion, whereas you will not be able to forgive yourself. If you doubt yourself today, tomorrow you will curse yourself and say, "Why did I doubt?" But poor God will not be angry with you; He will not curse you. Forgiveness is granted by God. So it is always better to doubt God than to doubt oneself.

To the spiritual seekers who have Masters, I say that if they doubt themselves, then they are deliberately insulting the capacity of their Master. They have accepted the spiritual path. Now, why have they accepted their Master? Because they have felt that the Master has the capacity to take care of their spiritual life. In the depth of their hearts they know the capacity of their Master. But if they start doubting themselves after having accepted a real spiritual Master, that means that they are doubting the acceptance or the confidence or the promise that the Master has given them.

When a spiritual Master accepts someone as his disciple, what does it mean? It means that one day, at God's choice Hour, he will take the disciple to God. If you do not have faith in the Master, then who asked you to accept that Master as your own? Just because you felt something and saw something in the Master, you had confidence in him. That is why you accepted him. Once you have accepted him sincerely, the question of self-doubt does not arise, because you are not responsible for your life. You are responsible only to surrender your life. If doubt comes, then surrender it to the Master. If fear comes and tries to become part and parcel of you, if it makes you feel that you are really useless, then offer this fear to the Master.

In the spiritual life, I wish to say that the seekers who are following a specific path must not doubt themselves. If they doubt, that means that they are belittling their own inner potentiality and they are deliberately standing in the way of their Master's self-offering. The Master is offering himself totally and unreservedly to the disciples. But if the disciples start doubting themselves, then when the Master comes with all his love and concern, they will reject it.

They will not be able to receive anything. So I tell the seekers that they must not doubt themselves. The moment they doubt themselves, they have to feel that they are deliberately rejecting the offering of the Master.

Question: Is it permissible sometimes to tell little white lies?

Sri Chinmoy: Suppose you see a little boy being chased by a grown man who wants to strike him. You see the little boy go and hide somewhere, and then the man comes and asks you if you know where the little boy is. Now, this man is filled with animal anger. He wants to strike the boy; perhaps he will even kill him. What will you do? If you tell a white lie at that time, and say, "No, I don't know where he is," then in God's Eyes you are doing the right thing. Human truth has no value in a case such as this. If you tell the truth, you will be helping the bad man to hurt the boy, who is, perhaps, innocent. Then, if the boy dies, you will be another culprit, and you will have to pay part of the karmic debt.

Here is another example. Suppose today I decide to hold a seven-hour meditation. You have come into the world to realise God. But let us say that your friend is having a party today, and you promised her that you would go. Now, if you tell her that you cannot come to her party because you have to go and meditate, she will be annoyed. But instead, if you tell her that you are not feeling well, you may feel that you have told a lie, so you will be punished according to the law of karma, but for seven hours you will be praying to realise the highest Supreme. If you have the highest and most powerful meditation for even one hour, do you not think that this one hour of meditation will more than nullify the punishment that you would have received? And your friend will not be annoyed if you tell her that you are sick.

Once you have free access to the Supreme, you will see where the law of karma comes from. It comes from a level that is far inferior to the Supreme's Compassion. The law of karma is at one place, but the Supreme's Compassion is at an infinitely higher place, so it can easily nullify the law of karma.

By pleasing the Supreme, you are running the fastest to reach the goal. By pleasing a human being, by going to a party, what are you gaining? If you feel that you have to keep your appointment just because you told her a month ago that you would go, then you are bound by your morality-sincerity. But you also have divinity-sincerity. You have the inner cry to climb the highest and dive the deepest. So which one will you choose? If you choose your friend and keep your promise to her, she will be very happy that you have enjoyed her party, but what about your soul? Will her party be able to raise your consciousness or feed your soul at all? On the contrary, it will lower your consciousness like anything. But if you come to pray and meditate, you will not only raise your own consciousness, but you will be able to raise your friend's consciousness also, by offering her your goodwill during your meditation.

If you do the right thing, eventually you will inspire others to do the right thing. If you are bound by your morality because you promised this and you promised that, then what are you gaining? Your aspiration will give you one thousand dollars' worth of divinity, and perhaps your white lie will give you five cents' worth of punishment. If you get one thousand dollars from one place, can you not afford to lose five cents? And if you pray and meditate sincerely, you will please Somebody who is infinitely superior and who has the capacity not to punish you even this five cents' worth. If you tell the lie and then go to see another friend, or to some other place, then the Supreme will not be responsible for your lie, even if your mind says, "This is more important." But if you are going to a spiritual place, you have to realise that you should sacrifice other activities for this. God will forgive you if you tell a white lie because you want to pray and meditate. These lies are not lies, but wisdom.

So what is more important? Every day you do not get the same spiritual opportunity, whereas you can easily see your friend the following day or at any other time. A seven-hour meditation happens so rarely. If you miss it, you do not know when you will have the opportunity again; whereas in the case of ordinary earthly opportunities, if you miss them today, tomorrow you will get them again. We are here on earth to realise God, not just to keep our promises. God will definitely forgive you if you tell a little white lie so that you can pray to Him for liberation, salvation and realisation.

Part VII

Vital demands

There are several kinds of vital demands. One kind of vital demand exists on the unlit, emotional level. Certain disciples want to lead every kind of undivine, corrupted life and, at the same time, they want my sanction so they can stay in the Centre. If I do not scold or threaten them, then they do not think that I am only tolerating them; they take my silence as my full approval. Then they continue to lead their absolutely unthinkable lower vital life and, at the same time, they say that they are members of the Centre and that they belong to my spiritual family. That kind of lower vital life cannot be combined with spiritual life.

Another type of vital demand is when people try to become very close to me outwardly by hook or by crook. Yet when I give them the opportunity to become close inwardly, they close their heart's door. They only want to be close in their own way. This is the difficulty. If you want to be close to me, I will definitely show you the way. But you say, "No, I don't want to come that way, I want to come this way." You want to come, but you do not want to come by the door that I open for you. Instead of going through the open door as I am asking you to do, you try to go through the closed door.

Some of the disciples are like that almost all the time. They feel that whatever I have asked some other person to do is more important than what I have asked them to do. If I ask them to vacuum the living room, then they will worry about what others will think of them. At the same time, if I ask somebody else to go to England and do something for me, he will not go happily. He will be sorry that I did not give him the chance to vacuum the rug. Meanwhile, the one that is vacuuming will think, "Oh, Guru thinks that I am an idiot. That's why I can't go to England and other parts of the world to spread Guru's Light."

Sweeping the floor or driving me somewhere or going to other parts of the world are all equal if the disciple does the task devotedly. While sweeping, if you do it with devotion, you are getting one hundred out of one hundred. But if you feel that your job is not important, then at that time you also become unimportant. But again, you must not think that the work I give you is really important, and that others' work is unimportant. No, your work is important for you, and the other person's work is important for him. In that way there is no comparison. You will not feel inferior or superior.

Our difficulty is that if someone is doing mental work, then the one who is doing physical work feels miserable, inferior. And the one who is doing mental work thinks, "Oh, Guru always says that the mind is very bad. Perhaps he wants to cheat me a bit, so he's giving this dedicated physical service to somebody else." Look at this tricky mind! Here we see vital demands operating in the mind.

I wish to say to all of you that if I have given you a job on the outer plane, please feel that this particular job is most important for you. And those whom I have not asked to do something, for the time being please feel oneness with those to whom I have given some job. Your very offering of goodwill is most important. If you offer your goodwill, I will give you a hundred out of hundred for your goodwill.

Question: Whenever there is a problem, it seems to attack more than one person. Why is this?

Sri Chinmoy: Forces are always loitering around. Once they have conquered one person, they try to go to someone else. Every year after our main celebration in India, how many undivine calamities used to take place! Sometimes even on that very day many sad things took place.

If you know that someone in your spiritual family is doing something wrong, then tell me. The patient should be brought to the doctor as soon as possible. What is spirituality? It is oneness, oneness, oneness. You are afraid to tell me, but when the patient is dead, at that time you will say, "I knew it long ago." A doctor will get the proper opportunity to cure the patient only if he catches the disease right at the beginning. I am your spiritual doctor, but you do not give me the proper chance.

When close disciples leave, how many people actually sympathise and how many people get malicious joy? Most people only shed crocodile tears. If twenty persons really try to bring back the one who has left, then the hostile force that has taken away the disciple will have to surrender. But how many people will pray to the Supreme to bring back that disciple? Again, when I try with my love to bring back disciples who have left, they are afraid of me because they feel that I have some magnetic power.

Question: When you have to act as the umpire on the vital plane or other planes, are the disciples much more receptive to your force than on the physical plane?

Sri Chinmoy: There they are receptive. Although they are fighting and making war in the vital world, when they feel light they try to receive it. On the physical plane, no matter how much light I give, sometimes it does not work. On the inner plane, they may do the same wrong thing, but they appreciate light and immediately try to accept it. On the lower planes, light is not appreciated at all, because when there is light, people immediately feel that they will be exposed. In the inner plane, the attitude towards light is different. There people surrender to light, whereas here they do not surrender.

Question: Instead of fighting wrong thoughts, what if you just feed them knowledge?

Sri Chinmoy: Unless you fight with them, how can you keep them outside yourself? If you throw your wrong thoughts out of the kitchen, then they will go and hide in another room, and you will relax. But they will not go outside the house, and after a few days they will come and strike you again. It is a wrong theory that they will die. The thoughts will only remain calm and quiet for a while, until their strength increases. The problem is that when a thought remains inside the body, no matter how small it is, it is infinitely stronger than the ones that are outside the body. Forces that come from outside cannot immediately attack you, but when forces come from around the navel, they can create tremendous problems! First you allow them to come inside you. Then they increase their power.

Question: Is it true that if one aspires to a higher life, to a spiritual level, then one has to totally give up ambition?

Sri Chinmoy: Not at all. But we have to know what is meant by ambition. We have to know what kind of ambition we cherish in the physical world. There is ambition like Julius Caesar's ambition: "I came, I saw, I conquered." This is the ambition of desire. There is also ambition in the vital world and in the mental world. But another form of ambition is wanting to be good, wanting to see God in everyone, wanting to serve all human beings because in them is the living presence of God. That kind of ambition we can and should cherish in the spiritual world.

Editor's preface to the first edition

With short stories, informal talks and questions and answers, Sri Chinmoy explains the various ways in which undivine forces control us, and how we can overcome them.