The drunk policeman

One day a policeman was a bit drunk, and he was doing quite a few crazy things. At one point he was driving behind an old man in a small Volkswagen. When they came to a red light, the old man stopped. But the policeman, of all people, kept going and smashed into the back of the Volkswagen. The old man came out of his car and started screaming at the policeman: “What are you doing?”

The policeman totally denied that he had hit the old man’s car. He said, “No, you came back when you saw it was a red light. You were going at a fast speed. When you saw the red light, you were already entering into the intersection, so you stopped abruptly. Then, very cleverly you were backing up when you hit my car.”

It was a total lie, and the old man became furious. Others who had seen the accident took the old man’s side. Finally the old man said, “Let me forget what you did. When we do something wrong, you always fine us. But I will just forget about what happened.”

The policeman said, “If you had not been there, I would have done something else. So it is totally your fault.”

“What do you mean?” asked the old man. “What would you have done?”

The policeman said, “I would not have waited for the green light. I would have gone through the red light. You were an obstruction. If you had not been in the way, I would not have hit you. So it is your fault. I am a policeman. You should always give me the right of way.”

The old man said, “Where is the rule that says that? You weren’t even using your siren or horn.”

The policeman said, “No, you should always look in the rear-view mirror to see who is coming. You should have given me the right of way.”

“Where is the rule?” screamed the old man.

“If you see that a policeman is coming,” said the policeman, “you should go against the red light. I would not have fined you if you had gone against the red light.”

The old man cursed the policeman because he had ruined his car. He wrote down the policeman’s license plate number and drove away.

A little later the same policeman did something crazy in another place. There was a sign that said parking was free between six p.m. and nine a.m. It was eight o'clock at night and a man was driving out of a parking spot. The policeman gave him a ticket because the meter had run out.

The man said, “After six p.m. parking is free, and it is now eight o'clock.”

The policeman said, “My watch says that it is five o'clock.”

The man asked somebody else what time it was, and the person said, “Eight o'clock.”

“Do I have to ask anybody else?” said the policeman. “I am the policeman. I am the authority. It is five o'clock, you rogue.” And then he gave the man a ticket. The man took down the policeman’s license plate number and drove away cursing the policeman.

In another place there was a sign that said “Slow,” not “Stop.” There was another sign indicating that a right turn was permitted but not a left turn. A car stopped at the sign that said “Slow,” and then made a right turn, which was allowed. The policeman stopped him and asked for his license. The man asked, “Why? I am allowed to turn here.”

The policeman said, “It says you can make a right turn, but you have made a left turn.”

The man said, “How?”

The policeman had come from another direction, so for him it was a left turn, although for the driver it was a right turn. This time when the man started barking at him, the policeman suddenly came to his senses. The first two times he had argued and had not surrendered. This time he said, “Please, please, don’t tell my superiors what I have said. If you do, they will fire me. My boss will fire me if he comes to know that today I could not distinguish left from right. As you can see, today I am a little bit drunk.

“In this life, I will never fine you, no matter where you put your car. I will tell you which are the places that I usually watch. Also, I will tell my friends not to fine you. I will give them your license plate number. So please, I will never fine you and I will tell my friends not to fine you. Only you have to forgive me and save my job and family.”