Question: How can we regain the intense aspiration we had when we first became disciples?

Sri Chinmoy: You can regain your intense aspiration, which all of you had when you accepted the spiritual life, by feeling two things, First, you have to feel that what you have so far achieved or received is next to nothing in comparison to what you actually need from within or from above. True, you have achieved and received something; you have done very good meditation, excellent meditation. It is all true. But in terms of the thing that you are going to receive or achieve or grow into, it is nothing, nothing, nothing. You know what you had and what you were ten years ago. What you now have and what you now have become is really something. But be sincere! Is the goal in front of your nose, or is it a far cry? Still it is a far cry. What you have received, is it enough? If you are sincere, then you will say that it is next to nothing in comparison to the infinite Light that you are seeking. It is the minimum, absolutely nothing. If you have this kind of feeling, then your hunger increases.

But if you feel that what you have got is more than enough, then a self-complacent attitude comes. You may feel that in this incarnation you have meditated so many times extremely well and you have done this and that for the Centre, so even if you don't do anything more, God will be pleased with you. If the disciples have this attitude, if they feel that they have done enough for this incarnation, then there is no forward movement. But if they say that what they have done is nothing in comparison to what they can do, then only an inner cry comes. What you have got so far is between you and your Guru, between you and God. But you have to know that what you have not yet got is infinitely more important than what you have already got. So if you feel that there is still something which is infinitely more valuable, then naturally you will try to get back your aspiration and aspire for that thing.

Before you entered into the spiritual life, when you were in the desire-life, when you first thought of entering into the life of aspiration, you felt that this life of aspiration was something which would really give you satisfaction. Finally you gave up the life of desire and you entered into the life of aspiration. But you have to feel that this aspiration-life is not enough. Only the life of realisation will give you illumination and satisfaction. When you were in the desire-life, you felt that the aspiration-life was everything. You were right, absolutely right. But now you have to feel that aspiration is not everything. Otherwise, you will be aspiring one day and then for ten days you will not aspire. Now the life of realisation is your only goal. If you have the life of realisation, then only can you get constant satisfaction. When you were in the life of desire, you thought, "Here there is no proper satisfaction." Then, when you had an iota of aspiration, you got an iota of satisfaction. But if you want abiding satisfaction, then realisation has to come into the picture.

You have to feel that there was a cry which compelled you to jump from the shore of desire to the shore of aspiration. Now, to get back the intense aspiration with which you started your journey, feel that again you have to develop the same type of cry and jump from the aspiration-shore to the realisation-shore. Otherwise, it will not be possible for you to reach the realisation-shore. Previously you cried and jumped. Now, in order to jump you have to cry again. But if you feel that the first jump was enough, then naturally you will not feel the need to cover any further distance. And if you don't cover any further distance, then you will never be satisfied. The real in you will not be satisfied.

You can develop that intense cry only by feeling sincere emptiness. Feel that what you have is nothing and what you are is nothing in comparison to what you are going to have and what you are going to become. Your physical mind will tell you that you have made so much progress since you accepted the spiritual life. But if by meditating once in a blue moon you have got so much wealth, then by meditating constantly and consciously, naturally you will get much more. Even human greed will tell you that you have got so much in spite of not meditating consciously, devotedly and unreservedly, so if you do it devotedly, then naturally you will get much more peace, light and joy.

Say to yourself, "In spite of being lethargic, in spite of being an imperfect instrument, I have got so much just by haphazardly praying and meditating. If I aspired consciously, regularly and devotedly, then I would get so much more." In this human approach there is much truth. Again, the divine way is to feel, "I am quite rich, but so what? God is always dealing with His infinite, immortal, eternal wealth. What I have become is nothing, nothing, nothing in comparison to what I can become or what I am going to become."

If you work hard, you get a hundred dollars. Then, when you have got a hundred dollars, you can again work hard and get a million dollars. This is the greedy human approach. The other approach is to feel that no matter what you have got, even if it is one million dollars, God has got infinitely more. The largest quantity is nothing in God's Eye, because God has got infinite Peace and Light. God deals always with Infinity. One million can be counted, but Infinity cannot be counted. We need Infinity, but right now what we have got is nothing in comparison to Infinity.

This divine way of approaching God's Infinity is the Indian way. In India people claim God as their very own. Here in the West, unfortunately you are afraid of claiming God. You feel that you have committed a sin, so how can you claim God? But sin does not exist in Indian philosophy. Even if it exists, we have faith in our divine Father and Mother. All our dirt and filth will go away the moment we go to them. They will wash us. A child claims his mother and father as his very own. Where is his sense of guilt? There is no guilt.

So to come back to your question, you can start with the greedy human approach in order to increase your aspiration. If you want to become the Shylock of the twentieth century, no harm. Only take as much spiritual wealth as you can. Then you will see that wisdom will dawn in you. Even if you try to separate Infinity from the finite, you will see that it is impossible. The finite and the Infinite always go together.