Mind-confusion, heart-illumination

There was a great spiritual Master who had abundant spiritual and occult power. He had hundreds of disciples, and out of these hundreds there were a few who were intimate. Unfortunately, one of his most intimate disciples became a victim to doubt. Although this particular disciple had tremendous inner aspiration, deep love for the Master, and genuine dedication to his mission, she had some doubt about the Master and about her own spiritual life. Her mind, like everybody's mind, played a miserable and painful trick on her. She always got boundless joy, inspiration, and aspiration from her meditation and from talking to the Master about her spiritual life. But whenever she went back to her home, it was all suffering, because the members of her family were against the spiritual life. Her friends and neighbours were also unsympathetic. At the Master's ashram she was all joy, but at home, she was made miserable by confusion and uncertainty.

This went on for months, and the months ran into years, but this deplorable situation showed no sign of coming to an end. In spite of her best aspiration and dedication to her Master's spiritual mission, and her purest love for him, her mind tormented her. Her heart was all dedication, but her mind at times became a tornado of confusion. The Master felt extremely sorry for her, but he was helpless. He had asked her repeatedly not to pay any attention to her mind, but to live always in her heart. She tried her best, and whenever she lived in the heart, she was all joy, satisfaction, and fulfilment. But whenever she forgot, and lived in the mind, in the physical mind, she was all doubt, confusion, and frustration. The Master tried to help her, but he was not successful.

The Master then decided to go a step higher. He had a talk with God about this particular disciple. He asked God how he could be of some help to her. God said to the Master, "Tonight I shall offer you a dream. In that dream you will be able to get an idea, so that in the future you can solve her problem."

The Master did have a dream that night. In the dream he saw a beautiful mango placed in front of him by God Himself. On one side of the mango was the Master, and on the other side was the mind of the particular disciple. The mango was the disciple herself. The mind was separated by God from the physical consciousness of the disciple.

The Master saw that there was a constant tug-of-war going on between himself and the mind of the disciple. The mind of the disciple wanted to grab the mango, and the Master wanted to have it for his divine use. At times the mango-consciousness, which was the disciple's consciousness, would take the side of the mind, and at times it would take the side of the Master. This way there was no final settlement. The tug-of-war went on for hours and hours.

Finally the Master felt extremely sorry for the mango. He said, "Both of us are trying to possess you. Your mind is trying to grab you mercilessly, and I am trying to take you for a divine purpose. There is no end to our battle. And while we are fighting for you, you are suffering. Since I have true love and concern for you, let me leave the fight. Let your mind possess you. In that case you will not be torn between us. You will have some relief."

So the Master surrendered. He gave up the fight for the disciple, not out of disgust, but out of compassion. The mind was extremely happy that it had won the battle. But what happened? When the mind became the full possessor of the physical consciousness of the disciple, it began to torture her ruthlessly. The mind said, "It is for you that I had to fight so hard. Now that you have become my possession, I want you to be my total slave. For you I fought. Now that I have got you, you deserve punishment for taking the side of your Master sometimes. Now I will torture you even more." Poor disciple. Now her condition was most pitiful, most deplorable, and it went on for a few months.

At last she came back to the Master, crying bitterly, "Oh Master, I did not know that you could be so unkind to me. You left me; you became indifferent to me. Now look what has happened. My unruly, undivine, obscure, ignorant mind has possessed me totally. I have lost everything. I have no faith in myself, I have no faith in you, I have no faith in the spiritual life. Master, save me, save me! Protect and illumine me."

The Master said, "What can I do? When your mind and I were fighting for you, you sometimes cherished your mind's doubts, fears anxieties, and worries. You did not accept me wholeheartedly. If you had accepted me wholeheartedly, I would have won the battle immediately. Quite a few times you took the side of your mind. Now you are seeing the result."

"O Master, forgive me. It was my ignorance. Now I want to be yours, for your divine purpose, for God, and for your mission."

The Master said, "All right. If you listen to me, I will be able to solve your problem."

She said, "Anything you ask me, Master, I shall do."

The Master then said, "When your mind says that your Master is wrong, your spiritual aspiration is wrong, and everything that you do is wrong, immediately you have to tell your mind, 'Granted you are sixty percent correct, and the spiritual life, my own inner life, and my Master are only forty percent correct. Nevertheless, I am not going to accept you as my Lord.' Then, when the time comes when your mind is convincing you ninety-nine percent with all its cleverness and all its tricks, that you are doing the wrong thing in your inner life, that your faith in the spiritual life, in your Master's realisation, is all wrong, you tell your mind, 'I do not want you. I do not need you, even if you are ninety-nine percent correct and I am only one percent correct.' Then, if the time comes when the mind tells you that it is one hundred percent correct, it convinces you that you are all wrong, then you have to tell your mind, 'Mind, you stay with your wisdom, with your ignorant wisdom. Even if you are correct, I do not need you, I do not want you. I want peace, I want joy, I want light, I want delight. These things are all inside my heart. Even if you convince me, I am not going to accept you. You stay with your own conviction. I will stay with my heart's spontaneous joy, delight, and love for my spiritual life, for my inner life, and for my Master's mission.' If you can do this, then your life's problem is totally solved."

The disciple touched the feet of the Master and said gratefully, "Master, from now on, no doubt, no fear, no anxiety, no suspicion, no jealousy. From now on I shall be all joy, all confidence, all peace, all love, all devotion, all surrender. You are mine. You are my life's only Haven and Heaven."

The Master blessed his dearest disciple and said, "At long last, my child, we have won the divine race."